Something New
by dls
Summary: Post Dead End, except Lindsey accepted the promotion, with the events in BtVS are happening simultaneously the fight against Glory . After viewing Lindsey's past on a videotape, Angel had a change of heart. But will he be able to act on it before Wolfram & Hart and Darla interfere? Can they both break free from the past and past loves to form a new future? Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

The light from the moon and the billions of sparkling stars covering the dark sky reflected in the glass windows of Los Angeles, giving the city the appearance of a mirage, a place of salvation for those whose thirst for forgiveness were too great to deny. Many were lost in its bright and colorful appearance and no sooner fallen victim to its illuminated illusions. All soon ended up using the fast-changing ways of life as a drug to paralyze themselves in vain hope to forget their past.'

Angel sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes as he threw the hard-covered book against the wall. He had made a huge mistake by asking to borrow the book Cordelia was reading. True, it was somewhat better than the books Wesley owned, but not by much. The introduction had cut a little too deep.

When he first came to the city, he tried to use it as a way to numb his feelings for Buffy, the guilt from the lives he had taken and anything and everything else. Everyone thought he was the strong one, being able to leave the one person he had ever loved behind in order to achieve a better future for the rest of the world.

No one realized it, not even Buffy, but Angel knew he was taking the easy way out. He couldn't stand the whispers behind his back whenever the Scooby Gang thought he couldn't hear them, the angry glares Giles had been sending him. If looks could kill, Angel would have been a pile of dust within seconds with the watcher.

As for Buffy, he remembered mostly her eyes, such a rich shade of hazel that was almost too much to endure. Every time he looked into them, he felt lost. They seemed to sparkle brightly, even in the dark as they made love, an action that led to the horrible result that tore them and everyone else apart.

Afterward, those eyes that once shined with affection for him, filled with pity for the vampire who had even more innocents' blood on his hands. Every time they gazed at each other, he could only read one message in her eyes: "Poor Angel."

He could stand hatred, guilt, even at times the jealousy that raged inside of him whenever Xander stood too close to Buffy, but never pity. He didn't want that; he didn't deserve that. He was Angelus, the most brutal bastard in all the land, who had enjoyed the painful cries of his victims, the whimpering pleas of his prey, the sweet odor of fear rising from the mortals who he fed on and the sudden cut off shrill screams as he snapped their necks. Angelus would always be a part of him. Wasnﾡﾦt that why he told the groups of vampires who were going to war with Gunnﾡﾦs gang that the name was Angelus, instead of Angel?

Angel smiled as he sensed the growing brightness outside. Another torturous night passed, filled with patrol and a bit of reading. As a vampire, he really should learn to embrace the night; however, the memories only haunted him after sundown.

He closed his eyes, hoping the blissful slumber would soon come. Sleep was his only means of gaining some peace. As his eyes drifted shut, his other senses took over. He could smell the fumes from the cars that raced down pass the hotel, in a hurry to and from home. He could hear Cordelia's footsteps on the concrete floor as she approached her desk. The sound of her bracelets dangling against one another was the last thing he heard before he drifted off to sleep.

Cordelia Chase was not a morning person, especially when it came to dealing with overdue bills and mountains of disorganized files. She dropped her bag on her desk and placed the mail and the coffee she brought earlier next to it.

A frown marred her face as she grabbed the letter opener from the top drawer while her other hand was bringing the cup of Starbucks coffee to her mouth. She sighed contentedly as she greedily swallowed a big gulp of the White Chocolate Mocha.

Cordelia winced and made a mental note of 'coffee hot' to herself when she felt the liquid burns her tongue. She sat down in her chair with a groan of frustration as she hastily cut open the first envelope she grabbed with the hard, smooth metal.

Wesley held the door for Gunn with a disapproving frown on his face.

"So it ain't no gourmet! It's better than whatever your English ass was eating yesterday." Gunn held on to the bucket of KFC defensively before Wesley could start his lecture about unhealthy breakfasts.

"If you are going to insist on eating fried chicken for breakfast, can you at least not flaunt it in my face?"

"Too much fun to pass up." Gunn grinned as he took another bite, munching loudly with the purpose of further irritating his friend.

Both men were oblivious to the increasing frustration on Cordelia's face as she glanced at the electricity bill, then exclaimed with disbelief, "Four hundred and eleven dollars?"

Wesley jumped at the sudden noise, flinging his arms out of self-defense, an action that almost knocked over the bucket in Gunn's arms. "Good lord, Cordelia, what is the matter?"

She shot both men a dark glower that made them take a step back, the movement causing a thud as they backed up into the door. Gunn and Wesley looked like they were ready to run for their lives any seconds.

"I repeat, four hundred and eleven dollars!" She spat the number out the same way she had said the name of a child-eating monster few weeks ago.

"Heard you the first time." Gunn grimaced.

"You guys knew about the power crisis and the price raise, don't you?" Cordelia growled.

"Technically, it should be 'didn't you'..." Wesley corrected, but caught himself as the seer produced a low snarl in her throat.

"Didn't you?" she rephrased, emphasizing the 'didn't' and shooting Wesley a glare while the word was spoken. After seeing her co-workers nod in unison, she continued, "Apparently Angel didn't, since the bill is over four hundred dollars! Isnﾡﾦt darkness a key factor of brooding? And last time I checked, Angel was still Angel! And Angel broods!" She added after a short pause, "In the dark!"

"Cordy, I'm sure he has a reasonable explanation for all this..." Wesley soothed.

"And money," Cordelia added. "I just don't see how it is fair! Here I am, in these terrible jeans." she emphasized her point by standing up from her chair. "They don't even have a brand! Maybe they do, but it's a very small one and it is so plain that people would forget about it immediately! The only reason I bought them is because of the buttons!" She turned to her sides, showing them the two tiny buttons, which were working diligently to hold the pants up.

"It's the end of the world! Cordelia Chase is in a pair of non-namebrand jeans!" Gunn blurted out, missing the vicious look from Cordelia and the warning cough from Wesley. "And how does it stay up without help?"

Cordelia slapped away Gunn's hand as it was reaching to test the theory. "At least I don't wear sweats everyday."

"There's nothin' wrong with sweats!" Gunn retorted.

"There is something wrong when you wear them everyday!" She picked up a fashion magazine from her desk, part of the 'I'm sorry I fired you' present from Angel. "This is fashion!" She pointed to a blond model who was wearing a pair of leather pants.

"Let me see that! Those pants are made of alligator." Gunn threw the booklet back to Cordelia with a snort. "If this is your so-called fashion..." He reached for a piece of chicken thigh in the bucket he still held in his other arm.

"Oh my God! They are made of alligator! Ew!" She dropped the magazine on her desk with a frown.

"The world is definitely ending!" He turned to Wesley with a feigned fear and shock, "She's agreeing with me!"

"Oh, shut up already!" Came Cordeliaﾡﾦs reply before Wesley could respond.

"Oh, shut up already." Gunn said in a valley-girl voice.

"Ohhh, you are so dead!" The words were barely audible through her gritting teeth and they were full of venom.

"Ohhh, I'm so scared." Gunn's imitation was completed with a fake shudder and a mocking whimper.

"All right, calm down and take a deep breath. Violence isn't the way to solve..." Wesley's speech was interrupted when a demon crashed through the wooded doors. "Anything."

It had purplish scales covering it from the top of its head to the end of its long, spiked tail. The demon was a frightening sight, not to mention to rows of sharp teeth peeking out under its thick, green lips and the crested claws on its hands.

"Is it really that complicated for them to learn how to knock?" Cordelia whined as she dodged behind her desk to pull out the weapons while Gunn and Wesley lunged at the intruder.

Wesley grabbed the wooden chair and smashed it against the beast's head. It shattered into pieces and he retreated quickly, searching for another weapon. One ruined chair a week was enough.

"English! Duck!" Gunn dropped the bucket of chicken next to Cordelia and rushed towards the fight.

"Be careful!" She yelled and threw an ax to him, which Gunn caught with ease.

"Always," Gunn replied as he avoided the punch thrown by the demon, and blocked a high kick with the handle of the ax.

"Get Angel!" His shout transformed into a groan when the demon's tail made contact with his chest, hard. Gunn was thankful for the fact that he didnﾡﾦt remove his jacket; its plastic substance prevented the spikes on the beastﾡﾦs tail from digging into his flesh. He dropped the ax when another blow landed on his back.

"Are you..." Wesley swallowed the 'okay' when the demonﾡﾦs hard fist made contact with his jaw. The strength of the monster and the impact he had when he dashed to help Gunn sent Wesley flying into a wall.

Gunn let out a hoarse cry as the tail of the monster tightened around his torso. The pain was unbearable; he could feel every single cell in his body tighten as they braced themselves for the suffering of his own ribs digging into his organs. Tears of agony threatened to stream from his clenched eyes, but he fought against the pressing blackness of unconsciousness with all his will. All the while, he was waving his arms as a signal for Cordelia to get away.

"Let. Go. Of. Him." Cordelia hissed as she snatched everything within reach and hurled them at the demon. It roared when the letter opener sunk into its arm, drawing a tiny drop of purple blood from its scaled skin.

Turning around abruptly and losing its hold on Gunn at the same time, the beast charged toward Cordelia. The foul stench of rotting flesh emanating from the demon made Cordelia gag, but not even the sight of rows of sharp teeth made her hesitate to fight.

"Take that!" She flung a piece of chicken thigh at it. The meat landed in the beast's open mouth. It swallowed the chicken reflexively.

With an agonized groan, the demon held its neck and stomach in pain, and began to gag, and then with a scream, it dissolved into a puddle of purple dew.

"Nice aim?" Gunn stood up slowly as he rubbed his chest with a look of bewilderment in his eyes.

"Thanks. I killed a..." She turned to Wesley, who was already flipping through a book. "What did I kill?"

"I believe it was a Feritas, they are savage demons who feed on humans."

"Surprise surprise." Gunn muttered.

Wesley continued on, "They are unbelievably strong, the only weakness they have is..." A light of understanding and amusement appeared in his eyes. "Chicken."

"Chicken? What kind of weak-ass demon is that?"

"The kind that just kicked your ass," Cordelia answered sweetly.

"Ha-ha! Funny. Not!"

"What's all the noise?"

All three turned to the source of the voice, a tired Angel rubbing his eyes in the shadows. Dark circles overshadowed his normally bright brown eyes.

"I killed a demon!" Cordelia announced proudly.

"Good for you."

"That's all you have to say? No pat on the back? No compliments?"

"Very good for you?" Angel scrunched his brows in distress when Cordelia sent him a deadly glare. "Gunn! What are you doing here so early? I thought you wouldnﾡﾦt be in till noon after last nightﾡﾦs patrol." His eyes lit up as he found distraction.

"I have something that I thought you'd be interested in." Gunn reached into his jacket and pulled out a brown envelope.

"What is it?" Wesley asked; curiosity gleamed behind his glasses as the text in his hands closed with an audible thud.

"A documentary on Lindsey McDonald on exactly what happened when he was sucked into that big black hole of evilness AKA Wolfram and Hart."

"Hello? No TV!" Cordelia waved her hand toward the empty room.

"I can go get mine. It has a VCR attached to it. I'll be right back." Wesley scrambled out the hotel.

"So what happened with you and born-again-boy anyway? I thought you two were working together." Cordelia asked after few seconds of silence; she never liked silence.

"I don't know what happened, he left as soon as we got those people out," Angel replied, stifling a yawn.

"I'll tell you what happened," Gunn stood up and picked up the newspaper on Cordeliaﾡﾦs desk. "I just saw it this morning." He flipped through the paper then held it up to a page with the headline of 'McDonald Scored Another Promotion.'

"What?" Angel almost tripped over the table in his haste and snatched the page out of the Gunnﾡﾦs hands.

Rage filled Angelﾡﾦs eyes as he read the article stating how Lindsey McDonald was now taking over Holland Manners' position after his co-executive, Lilah Morgan, was found dead in a head-on collision caused by a drunk driver late last night. It also briefly mentioned the massacre at the Manners residence and that the case remained unsolved. "But how could he accept it after seeing what happens to his friend?"

"Or maybe itﾡﾦs because he was afraid of ending up like his friend," Gunn said and shuddered at the thought of what could happen if Lindsey betrayed the firm when the punishment for failures was to become a human organ supply.

They all fell silent at the sentence, it made sense. The silence was broken when Wesley banged on the door with his elbow, asking for assistance with the TV and the door.

In less than five minutes, the TV was set up and everyone was seated ﾡV Angel and Cordelia on the couch while Gunn and Wesley pulled chairs from vacant desks.

"Where did you get this?" Angel asked when the TV screen remained snow.

"A friend of mine. Who happens to be the janitor who cleaned out the office of the all mighty Holland Manners, and instead of burning the boxes of tapes like he was told, he looked through it, trying to find some potential blackmail material. He gave this to me. Early birthday present." Gunn answered as a small yet organized storage room replaced the previous screen.

Four men were hunched around a cart; apparently sorting something, mail to be exact. Lindsey was among them, and he seemed to be the fastest one as well as the youngest. The man on screen couldnﾡﾦt be older than twenty years old.

"What are you guys doing tonight?" a man in his mid-twenties asked without lifting his head from his task.

"Tonight? I'll be lucky if I can finished this pile by tomorrow morning!" a deeper voice responded, poking at the heap in front of him with uninterested fingers.

"We all know that, Josh. How about you, Lin?"

"I'm having dinner with Alicia, thinking about popping the question tonight." Lindsey voice hadn't change much over the years, but his tone was different. It contained a sort of naive trust, trust to an unpredictable world to be predictable like the tides of the sea.

"Lucky bastard."

"Don't worry, Brad, you'll be the first on the guest list." Lindsey smiled a real smile, the ones that came from the heart, as he wrapped his work with a rubber band and dumped it in the cart. "Be sure to mail them out first thing tomorrow." He waved goodbye to his friends as he exited the room.

"Guess Lindsey wasn't lying after all," Angel remarked as he stretched his long legs and then rested them on the table before him.

"Lying about what?" Gunn smacked one of Angel's limbs when it made contact with the back of his head.

"Brad, Lindsey's hand donor. He told me that he worked at the mailroom with Brad before he got promoted."

"Shhh." The seer waved an irritated hand at them as the earlier scene slowly faded out and a wide, well-lit room came into view.

Lindsey sat in the tiny cot, which was next to the neatly tucked-in bed. He used his elbow to support his head, trying to get some rest, as his feet were planted firmly on the ground, ready for any sudden actions. The curtains around the bed made it hard to identify the patient in bed.

The lawyer's face carried an innocence in slumber he never allowed during the light of day. The man on screen was not the smug, confident lawyer that Angel knew nor the happy, naive young man they saw before. Instead, he looked tired and hopeless like a lost child.

"Alicia..." Lindsey mumbled softly as his body moved unconsciously to achieve a more comfortable position.

His eyes flew opened as the small beeping of the machine became a steady tone, and the once moving line gone steady. Disoriented, he jumped up and pressed the call button repeatedly.

When he leapt to his feet, the line of vision for the camera cleared, giving it a perfect view of the limp body on the bed. The woman's face was inhumanly white, yet beautiful; her figure slender and gracefully feminine in flowing frost blue hospital gown. Long, gleaming light brown hair that seemed to shimmer was swept back from her face and fell in waves to her shoulders as the cool air from the air conditioner played with the silky strands.

"Darla!" Angel bolted out of his seat the moment he saw her face. Despite the difference in hair color and the obvious contrast in strength in both women, it was Darla. His sire, his obsession and, for what he thought, his love for centuries.

"Angel! I'm sure it's not Darla, it can't possibly be. This video was shot in 1998," Wesley pointed to the date on the left bottom corner of the screen. "And you staked Darla a year before in Sunnydale." The ex-watcher explained, "Logically, one would presume..."

"The last part is not making me feel any better!" Cordelia scowled.

"Why don't we just watch this? If he-who-usually-says-nothin' can keep his mouth shut long enough," Gunn said, sounding annoyed with all the noises with his eyes still glued to the TV.

Nurses flew into the room, pushing Lindsey aside. "Sir, you need to leave! Now! You're only in the way," an older nurse said, gently leading him out the room.

The door was closed soundly the moment Lindsey passed the threshold, leaving him with nothing to do except to stare at the bold, black room number, 117.

"That's it?" Angel asked while staring skeptically at the black screen.

"Nope," the only female in the room answered as images began to appear. The setting changed to the hallways.

There Lindsey stood, forehead pressed to the cool and hard steel doors with tears of worries in his eyes. He blinked the droplets from his lids and let them fall down onto the perfectly polished floor.

"Lindsey." A sincere voice found its way to grieving young man's ears.

"Mr. Manners!" The younger man's words were clearly filled with surprise.

"I heard you are having a bit of a...problem. And I have a proposition to offer you that will solve all of your difficulties within days."

"Not to sound suspicious, sir. But why?"

"Because you have potential and skills. I trust my instincts and they are telling me that you are the person we need on our team."

"And under what circumstances will I be receiving this chance to express myself in the firm?" Even though he was inexperienced and his words were almost timid, Lindsey was not carefree; he had a look of knowledge in his eyes, the kind that could only be learned from hard life style.

"Nothing, just your loyalty to the firm. We'll also be offering you a half-million dollar bonus which I believe will proven to be helpful to..." Holland pointed with his head, "your fiancee's condition. By the way, congratulations."

"Thank you. There is no catch?"

"None, all we ask are your loyalty and discretion to your clients, nothing you don't already know. In fact, you can read over the contract."

"I understand and once again, I really appreciate this opportunity sir."

"Well, I'm bored! I knew he would sell his soul for money." Angel stretched lazily with a knowing smile on his face as he got up.

"Where do you think you are going? It ain't over," Gunn demanded, feeling his friend's efforts were being unappreciated.

"Don't you want to find out about that Darla look-a-like?" Cordelia lifted up her long legs to block her former boss' path.

"Not leaving, need breakfast." The souled vampire left using his inhuman speed and made it back to his spot in less than thirty seconds. Just in time as the surroundings transformed into the room again.

Lindsey talked hurriedly and excitedly as he shared the news with Alicia. In contrast with his excitement, she had a look of distress on her pale face.

"I don't think it's a smart idea. Linds. It sounds too good, especially for LA."

"Don't you think I know that? But I'm willing to do anything if it means you get a chance to survive."

"Even selling your soul? Lindsey, I've seen lawyers from that firm and they don't have a sense of right or wrong."

"If it means you get to live, then yes," Lindsey stated firmly. As he watched her immobile face, his face began to be filled with vulnerability and doubts appeared in his eyes. He automatically began to withdraw the hand that had been resting on top her frail digits.

"Even your soul?" she questioned again, wanting her lover to have time to let her words sink in.

Sky blue eyes clouded with confusion and seriousness as the owner cautiously rethought the whole situation.

"Lindsey, may we see you for a moment?" Holland and another suited man knocked gently on the door.

"Sure, I'll be right back." Lindsey stood up and left the room, but not before he planted a kiss on Alicia's forehead.

"This is better than Passions," The ex-watcher remarked aloud as the scene switched smoothly to the hallway then the camera in the hall recorded the three men from Wolfram and Hart entering an elevator. After a few seconds of blackness, it showed the crew of Angel Investigation a tiny, yet spacious chamber.

Lindsey held the door open for the elder men and closed it behind him. He waited until the others were seated then asked, "What can I do for you sir?"

"Nothing, yet. Here's the contract." Holland motioned for his colleague to hand Lindsey the folder.

Azure eyes skimmed the words neatly typed upon the snow-white stationary before them. The blue in his eyes changed many shades as he mouthed the words silently. Content that what he read was indeed what he was promised; Lindsey signed the bottom of the papers with a flourish. Having his complete attention given to the contact before him, he failed to notice the person who just entered the room.

"Lindsey, there's someone I would like you to meet. Lindsey, Glory. Glory, Lindsey."


	2. Chapter 2

"Nice to meet you." Lindsey held out his hand, and smiled politely at the young woman in a maroon dress in front of him. She seemed non-threatening, beautiful even, except for the overwhelming sense of arrogance and strength that surrounded her.

"Believe me, the pleasure is all mine," Glory smirked as she extended her well-manicured hands, but their target was not the young man's out-stretched hand, they were higher and aimed for Lindsey's temples instead.

The skin and flesh began to blur as Glory's fingers sunk and reached deeper into the skull. Lindsey let out an earsplitting scream and jerked his body abruptly in useless attempts to get away from the intolerable pain while his mind was being sucked away. As his screams intensified, Glory straightened her arms, and the only contact Lindsey had with the ground was the tip of his shoes.

Suddenly, the tightly-clenched eyes flew open in panic; the Lindsey's face a white mask of terror, his hands flew up abruptly, reaching out for an unknown force, and his mouth silently cried for help as his arms slowly dropped to his side.

Lindsey landed on the floor in a sickening thump as Glory stood there with a satisfied grin on her face. "Yummy."

"What the hell just happened?" Gunn exclaimed with wide-eyes.

"Good question. I second that." Cordelia raised her hand in agreement, slightly shaking from the shock. "Who was that?" she nudged Wesley gently with her knee.

"I'll get right on it." Wesley leaped up but was stopped by Angel.

"Not so fast. It isn't over yet," Angel stated calmly as Holland started talking.

"Are you sure you didn't kill him?"

"Are you questioning my power?" Glory glared with menace at Holland and flexed her fingers.

"Of course not. How long will it take him to recover?"

"Hours, a day at most, humans are so breakable and frail. Don't you think so?" Getting no response, she proceeded, "I only took out the parts you wanted me to. So he shouldn't be out for long. But it was very tiring for me having to control my powers."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but I do have some good news that should cheer you up. John here will escort you to the airport, where you will be off to Prague, where the...thieves who stole your key were last seen."

"Great, nice working with you."

"Same here. John will provide you with anything," Holland emphasized on the last word, "anything you need." Holland waved good-bye as he gave Glory a meaningful look.

"Thanks."

As she headed out the door, Holland pulled out his cell phone and dialed quickly. "John Hachet will be in a terrible and fatal accident in about two hours, be sure to inform his family. Have someone come up here and move our newest legal clerk, Mr. McDonald, to somewhere comfortable. As for Miss Dovane in room 117, kill her," he commanded as he glanced down at the limp body of his newest employee. The screen died out to pitch-blackness.

"Well, that was entertaining," Gunn uttered after a long moment of silence.

"Very." Angel rose and ejected the tape from the VCR after it finished rewinding. "Wesley, see if there's anything in the prophecies of Aberjian about this Glory. Cordelia, research for any incidents around Prague from the year 1998 on. Gunn, try to contact your friend again, and tell him to leave town, fast. It won't take Wolfram and Hart long to figure out what he did; that place is packed with security cameras."

With a nod of their heads, the three of them went to work. Even though Angel wasn't their boss anymore, they still followed the orders he gave out habitually.

"What about you?" Gunn asked as he slipped on his jacket.

"I'm going over the video again in my new office," He shot Wesley a grateful look, after weeks of sitting in the tiny desk, his new boss had finally decided it was time to end his torment by giving one of the empty hotel rooms to Angel. "I'll try to figure out if this Glory has any weakness, then I'll call Giles."

Angel peeked over Cordelia's shoulder to find out the time on the computer, and was pleased to see that it was only a little past ten. He had enough time to catch up on his interrupted sleep, take a long, relaxing shower, go over the tape again or maybe twice, call Giles and possibly to have all of the above done before sundown.

"Joy, Scooby Gang all over again," Cordelia mumbled as she typed hurriedly.

Angel ignored the comment as he bent over to unplug the TV and carry it down the hall.

As dusk fell, the night part of LA became alive as lights of brilliant, almost blinding, colors lit up the city. The grayish-blue somehow mixed in perfectly with the red, yellow and orange, making the sky a blur of many shades. The view didn't impress Lindsey McDonald, who was lounging comfortably on his leather sofa in a dark blue robe.

Lindsey scarcely recalled the events after he left his office. He had driven home at record speed, placed his briefcase on his computer desk after discarding his suit jacket, tie and loafers. Opening all windows of his apartment, he let the cool, humid night air filled the spaces. He liked the feeling of air drifting in his rooms; it felt like he was being purified, cleansed from the stench of Wolfram and Hart. He took his habitual shower, and scrubbed until his skin turned red. Even as he stared at his now scarlet skin, he still felt unclean. Sighing and shaking his head in defeat, he threw on his robe and poured himself a drink then he sat and stared at it in a daze.

The caramel-colored liquid flowed around the sparkling ice, the beads of moisture forming on the outside of the glass left water stain on the glass table. Sighing, Lindsey walked to his bedroom, where he shrugged off the robe he was wearing and gave his half-wet hair one last swipe before throwing the towel across the room.

He slipped on a pair of sweatpants, and padded out of the room, barefooted and bare-chested, picking up the drink with his right hand when he passed by it.

He gazed down at the flesh and blood hand before him, holding the glass steadily. Both hands! It was amazing how people didn't appreciate what they had until they lost it. He never knew that feeling though, since he never had anything. How could you lose something you never had? Which was why he insisted on doing everything he could to keep the life he owned, he couldn't afford another attack of the hollowness; he barely survived it when he was seven, when his father looked at him with blank eyes and an empty smile while signing away their home.

Wolfram and Hart gave him hope, power, even a new hand and everything he wanted, except for happiness. But happiness couldn't shield you from the cold, shelter you from the rain and stop the gnawing hunger inside you. He had all the things he wished, substantially, so why wasn't he happy? Oddly enough, the only time he was content was when he worked with Angel to save those children. It was harder to fight the coldness once he had a taste of the warm bliss, but he managed. What could he say? He was a material guy and he doubted Angel would welcome him into his gang with open arms.

Instead, Lindsey resided in a world of fear; he didn't want to end up like Brad. The young lawyer slumped back into the leather sofa and ran his left hand through the crease and inhaled deeply the unique scent of the leather. It was the smell of success, the fragrance of wealth.

Lindsey turned his gaze down to the glass he held in his hand; he hadn't touched a drop since the Darla left. Not even his usual weekend beer. He did not have the privilege of a hangover, especially when he was expected to present an image of success tomorrow. After winning the final judgment between Lilah and him, he was now the head of the Special Projects department.

But tonight, Lindsey didn't care. The stress of his lack of relationship with the world, the constant fear of death and the ever-present mind-games attacked him unexpectedly. It made him want to lean on the crutch of alcohol; he needed something to lean on. And he preferred lifeless things to living beings; after all, the non-living seemed more reliable.

He had figured if he got drunk enough it wouldn't hurt as much. Angel's biting remarks might lose their sting under a nice buzz, and maybe he'd be able to erase his own mistakes from his damned memory. Just to forget for a little while the pain and disgust he felt every time he looked in the mirror at the reflection he didn't recognize as his own anymore.

The cool liquid suggested the cure for everything. At least it gave his father an escape from reality, and an excuse to vent his anger on his son. The ice cubes rattled as one of them on the bottom melted enough for a positional shift. He eyed the glass more intensely. He really wanted a drink. All he had to do was reach forward and bring the glass to his lips. Just allow it to burn down his throat and let the warmth spread through his limbs. It would loosen him up; maybe allow him to sleep without the usual nightmares.

Lindsey carefully sipped the beverage. As the liquor traveled down his throat, he let out a content sigh; he felt better already.

The staff of Angel Investigations had searched every possible book and database, yet they could not identify Glory.

Wesley had assumed the worst, if Glory could not be found in any text written, then it would be possible for her to have been around long before literature had begun, or that everyone who had came into contact with her had died.

The information Giles gave Angel over the phone only confirmed Wesley's fear. Giles had filled Angel in on all the details, including Dawn, when they spent the whole afternoon talking. The currently homeless Glory was strong, and apparently she kept herself sane by sucking out human's mind and making them zombies.

Angel threw on his leather coat as he watched the last rays of sunshine disappear from the window. He began to head out of the office when Cordeliaﾡﾦs voice stopped him.

"Where are you going?" She asked with a hint of worry in her voice, she was all too familiar with the gleam in Angel's eyes. He was up to something, and she wasn't going to let him do it alone, not anymore.

"Paying Lindsey a little visit, I have a present for him." Angel patted his pocket, and it answered with soft thump, indicating the video.

"Let's get goin'." Gunn overlooked the dismayed look on the broody vampire's face as he beat Angel to the door with Cordelia by his side. "You can't go in uninvited. You need us."

"I'll stay and try to translate more of the scroll," Wesley said without lifting his head up from the pile of books he'd been buried in since noon.

Sighing softly, Angel agreed. After all, he wasn't the one in charge anymore, and he knew Gunn was right. There was no way in hell Lindsey would invite him in.

The door closed with a soft click while the engine revved and the tires spat gravel as they sped off into the dark night.

As he put the half-empty scotch bottle next to his bare-feet, Lindsey was thankful for the alcohol Lee had given him as a Christmas gift a few years back.

Lindsey still remembered the warm blood splashing against his face and soaking his shirt as his coworker's head exploded next to him. He decided to chase away the memory by tossing another shot down his throat.

His stomach growled in protest seconds later; reminding him that he hadn't eaten all day except for the cup of coffee in the morning and downing hard alcohol on an empty stomach was not a smart idea. But he was too focused on the liquor in his hand and the pleasant sensation of his thoughts detaching and floating away from him, leaving his body to total relaxation to worry about tomorrow.

Soon, the first bottle was gone. Struggling to balance himself as he stood up, Lindsey walked unsteadily to the kitchen, almost tripped over the bottle in the process. He let out a small cheer when he discovered a bottle of whiskey hidden behind the wines. Not bothering to pour it in a glass, Lindsey popped open the bottle, he chuckled lightly when the plug flung off and landed in one of his carelessly kicked-off shoes. He took a sip and leaned back comfortably on the counter.

For some inexplicable reason, his thoughts floated to Angel, who had cut off his right hand, who had stolen the only woman he cared about from him, who had interfered with his plans often than not.

He never thought about his life when he was sober. Maybe that's why he didn't drink that much, Lindsey mused as he did something he hadn't done in a long time; he looked inside himself, searching for his true feelings toward Angel.

Strangely, of all the emotions he located - anger, disappointment, envy - he couldn't find hatred. True, he did act like he hated the vampire, but it was just an act. If he really despised Angel, he would have staked him or sprayed him with holy water after he had run him over with his truck. The truth was, he was actually worried about hurting Angel.

As Lindsey dug deeper within himself, he realized his anger and disappointment came from Angel's rejection when he practically begged the vampire for a chance of redemption. Envy was originated because Angel had people who cared for him.

Angel had something he would never have again - a family. Lindsey longed to be loved, to have people worried about him if he didn't return. He was tired of being a tool and sick of fearing for his life every moment. Sure, Holland had told him more than once that the firm was a big family, but in families, you didn't kill off the failures.

Lindsey wanted to be a part of Angel's family, to have that unwavering trust devoted to him, to matter in the world. He knew those are the things Wolfram and Hart couldn't provide.

After all the layers of emotions were peeled away, Lindsey came to one conclusion: He loved Angel. As sick and twisted as it might sound, he loved him, the sworn enemy of Wolfram and Hart and the very person whose desire of seeing him dead was only second to Lilah.

Shaking his head as much as he could without causing dizziness, Lindsey took a long swig of the alcohol in his hand. Soon, Lindsey felt as if his brain had turned to a sponge and an invisible hand was slowly squeezing all the troubles out of it.

He was only able to get a fraction of the liquid into his mouth and the rest landed on his chest. He stared at the wet trail left by the alcohol, captivated, as the neck of the bottle slipped between his fingers. The noise of it crashing against the floor broke the silence of the room. Yet he didn't seem to mind, for he merely snickered lightly as he treaded carefully out of the kitchen. His once pale face was now rose-colored, just like his lips.

"Pretty colors," Lindsey mumbled as he looked out his window, almost falling out of it in the course of action. "Note to self: Open windows bad." He told himself.

As he closed and firmly locked the windows, Lindsey heard someone knocking and let out a happy squeal as he skipped toward the door.

"Stay still!" he grunted as he attempted to grab the doorknob. As he was about to try for the seventh time, the door flew open and hit his forehead.

Patience was drained rapidly from Angel as he stood outside Lindsey's door, and the tapping of Cordelia's sandals against the floor wasn't helping a bit. "If we had gone with my plan, we'd be half way back at the hotel by now," He grumbled.

Angel had wanted to break in the apartment, grab Lindsey and head back to the hotel. However, his companions rejected his proposal without a second thought, saying they wanted do this in a civilized way. Angel silently cursed democracy as he complied.

"Angel, are you sure you know what the word 'civilized' means?" Gunn arched his eyebrow in suspicion when Angel nodded. "Then stand still, and wait."

Angel was sure that Lindsey was home; he could smell the potent fragrance of fine scotch and heard the leaden footsteps as Lindsey approached the door. His vampire senses told him that Lindsey had been standing only inches away from them for a while, but the confusing part was why didn't he answer the door? If he had known who was in the hall, why wasn't security called?

"Maybe he's at work," Cordelia guessed.

"Or maybe he just doesn't want to see us," Gunn replied, as he lifted his hand again to knock.

"Screw this," Angel growled with impatience as he raised one of his long legs and kicked the door. It flew opened with a soft bang when it made contact with a human body instead of the hard wall.

Lindsey staggered back with his head in his hands and let out a soft groan of pain.

"Great! Now he can sue us for breaking and enter and assault..." Gunn trailed off when Lindsey greeted them with opened arms with a broad smile.

"Angel! Cordelia! And the guy from Caritas! How are you good, happy people?"

"Drunk much?" Cordelia wrinkled her nose at the strong whiff of alcohol when Lindsey came closer.

"Just a little..." He turned and glanced at the bottles on the floor, shrugged and turned back to his companies. "I'll get more... After all, we are all a big, happy family." Lindsey slurred as he padded unsteadily back to the kitchen.

"Wait, you are all a big happy family, my family's dead... Holland said we are a family, but nope! He's dead too and I really hate to be in a family with Lilah... but guess what? She's dead, too!" He emerged with a bottle in his hand. "Even you!" Lindsey pointed directly at Angel, "You are dead!"

Angel, Cordelia and Gunn could only gape at Lindsey and his unusual behavior. Getting no response, Lindsey grinned widely as he brought alcohol to his mouth and poured one-fifth of the liquor down his throat while talking back to the door. With his eyes towards the ceiling, he tripped over his shoes on the way over to his enemies; he landed on his back with a thud. The impact left him silent for few moments and then a wave of laughter erupted from him. As abruptly as the outburst came, it was gone.

Lindsey, who appeared to be unconscious, stayed motionless on the perfectly waxed floor as the forgotten vodka gushed from the knocked-over bottle and left a growing wet spot on his pants.

"This is pathetic. Just grab him and get this over with," Angel growled impatiently to Gunn as the invisible shield stopped the vampire from doing the action himself.

"Got him." Gunn stepped in and threw Lindsey over his shoulder with ease. "Let's get outta here."

Cordelia drew the broken door shut as best as she could and was surprised when Angel reached over and pulled it closed with a bang.

Angel snarled loudly as Lindsey sang on top of his lungs in the back seat after throwing up on the leather upholstery. "If we had shoved him in the trunk like I said, we would have peace and quiet right now, and my car wouldn't be ruined!"

"Even drunk off his ass, I would trade his singing for peace and quiet anytime." Cordelia sighed dreamily and Gunn nodded in approval as Lindsey continued.

"Pretty girl on every corner. Sunshine turns the sky to gold. Warm, warm, it's always warm here. And I can't take the cold."

"That song again?" Angel whined as he took a sharp left turn, throwing his passengers off-balance.

However, it didn't seem to affect Lindsey, who carried on with his song like nothing had happened. "This whole world shines so brightly..." Suddenly, he stopped and stuck his head between the two front seats then stared at Angel. "I'm so sorry, I never realized how much that song hurts you."

"You should be sorry...what?" Angel took his eyes of the road and looked dubiously at Lindsey. '

"I was so insensitive and inconsiderate with the whole 'sunshine' and the 'bright' part of the song." Sensing confusion around him, the singer added, "ya know, he's a vampire, no sunshine... But no fear, I can change it for you." He looked down thoughtfully for seconds, and then resumed singing. "The whole world doesn't shine...wait...The whole world shines un-brightly... That doesn't sound right!"

"Just shut up and get back there," Angel gnarled over the chuckling of Cordelia and Gunn at Lindsey's attempts of making the song more fitting for a vampire.

Lindsey grumbled as he settled back next to Gunn, who was sitting with him to keep an eye on him if he tried to escape. Lindsey stayed quiet for a while then questions started to flow from his mouth. "Where are you taking me? Why are you taking me? Are we there yet? Why can't I sit in front? Are we there yet?"

Cordelia stifled a laugh. Lindsey sounded like a little kid. If she hadn't known his past and the fact that he tried to kill her, she could almost think it was cute. But Angel apparently didn't think so, as he floored the gas pedal with a mumble that sounded like 'Someone put a stake in me.'

In less than ten minutes, they arrived at the Hyperion. Angel tossed Lindsey carelessly over his shoulder as they got out of the car and entered the hotel.

Angel dumped the lawyer roughly on the couch, ignoring the protesting groan from Lindsey, and turned to his friends. "Why don't you guys go home, get some rest? He's probably out for the night."

"I wanna go home!" Lindsey made a run for the door as soon as he was free.

"He's out all right." Gunn blocked him easily and hauled him over his shoulder.

"Why don't you let him have your bed, so you can keep an better eye on him?" Cordelia suggested with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"What? No! Stop what you are doing!" Angel shook his head violently with his mouth hanging open in disbelief as Gunn began to walk upstairs obviously agreeing with Cordelia's idea. "This isn't funny."

"Payback time." She grinned smugly.

"There, all done. I'm taking off. Let's go Cordy," Gunn smirked as he reappeared, his arms empty, and dragged Cordelia with him, leaving Angel standing alone in shock.

"Angel? I found something you might want to know." Wesley's voice brought Angel out of his daze. "I haven't found anything on Glory or how to defeat her, but I did find another way for you to achieve shanshu."

"How?"

"You must destroy the very heart of human evil. It could be very difficult considering what you told us about your little visit to the senior partners with Holland."

"I'm sure that can be arranged." Angel smiled wistfully while eyeing the staircase leading up to his room.

"No, Angel. The very heart of human evil, as in the source of it or something that helps it grow, not a person," Wesley explained with a warning in his eyes. The memory of Angel almost crossing over to the other side was still fresh.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Behave," Wesley gathered up his jacket and some papers then headed out the office.

"I'll try," Angel muttered with an impish spark in his eyes as he headed to his room, where Lindsey slept.


	3. Chapter 3

A sleeping Lindsey was a powerful temptation. Angel had stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the alluring sight in his bed. He knew he was attracted to Lindsey from the first time they met, but he had never imagined how Lindsey would look in his bed.

The bronzed skin glittered under the dimmed lighting; the few sweat beads on the muscular chest were begging to be licked away. His hair, once neatly combed, was now rumpled in such a way made Angel want to smooth the silky strands with his cold fingers. The eyes, though closed, were still enticing; the long, curly eyelashes cast a light shadow over the eyelids. Finally, Angel moved his gaze down to Lindsey's mouth and he had to grip the bedpost to brace himself against the urge to crush his own against it. The Lindsey's lips were slightly parted, giving Angel a peek at the white teeth and the pink tongue within.

Unconsciously, Angel walked over and sat down next to the sleeping form. The warm breaths from the human were tantalizing for it was a potent mix of alcohol and something that Angel could only classify as Lindsey. He sniffed carefully. Funny, he didn't smell any of the fear that usually surfaced when the human was around him. All he could sense was relaxation and from what he could guess, it wasn't something Lindsey felt often.

Just as Angel was about to move away, he felt the familiar stirring between his thighs when Lindsey shifted and turned his head, giving Angel a full view of the long, graceful neck. He could see the long, slightly bluish vessels running through it, transferring the sweet blood h craved to the thumping heart and the thudding pulse at the base of Lindsey's throat and that was Angel's undoing.

With a low growl, he descended his hungry mouth onto the younger man's. Lindsey tasted like sunshine, fervent and yielding. He lingered on those pouty lips until the human underneath him let out a groan due to lack of oxygen then moved downward to the base of Lindsey's neck and began to suck on his Adam's apple.

The first thing Lindsey felt when he awoke, was the burning scream in his lungs for air, then the cool sensation of someone's mouth on his neck and that action was quickly awakening a desire he hadn't felt in a long time. "Who... Angel?"

Angel's head snapped up at the call of his name, but he didn't waste time answering whatever question Lindsey held in those pale blue eyes; he smelled Lindsey's arousal and the heady scent combined with his own was addictive.

Without a reply, Angel dragged his one of his long, slender fingers down the Lindsey's chest as he resumed his attack on the golden brown skin.

Afterward, Angel lied on the bed, only a thin sheet covering his body, guilty thoughts threading through his mind. He had taken Lindsey by force, maybe not physically, since he didn't fight him, but emotionally.

He knew that Lindsey was incapable of making any decisions in his state of inebriation, and he also knew Lindsey had some feelings for him, well hidden under the facade of repulsion and annoyance. The little hints and implications from time to time were enough to convince him that if Lindsey didn't love him, he was, at least, attracted to him. Judging from what Lindsey had said when he answered the door; he had even considered him a part of the 'family'.

Angel mentally kicked himself for putting another obstacle in their already rocky relationship. The faint breathing and slow heartbeat next to him reminded Angel of his own life, the life before he was turned into the creature he was today.

He scowled lightly at the unhappy memories and how they tend to pick the worst time to surface. He remembered how he used to get up early and look over the books just to make his father proud. All he ever wanted was for his old man to have smiled and given him a good pat on the back. Instead, heﾡﾦd always gotten the shove that pushed him further and further away from his fatherﾡﾦs approval.

Angel didn't realize he had put his thoughts into words and they were rushing of out him until a heated hand covered his and with the movement came a whisper, "You are a good man."

Shocked, Angel looked down at the man against his chest and tried to rationalize the situation. He was frustrated and lonely; so was Lindsey. It was supposed to be safe, no worries of losing his soul, no attachments.

Then why was he worried about losing his soul when he brought both of them to ecstasy? When he couldn't think of a good reason, Angel did something he never thought he would do, he gathered Lindsey into his arms and let sleep overcome him.

Angel had expected another nightmare during his short period of rest, but the events that occurred earlier in the night did not manifest itself into his unconscious mind. Oddly enough, he felt calm with Lindsey nestled next to him.

Why? He and Lindsey were enemies. How could he feel secure with his primary nemesis so nearby? 'It's because if Lindsey's with me, he won't be out destroying the world or plotting evil, ' he told himself and was content with that explanation.

'Lindsey is the enemy, ' he convinced himself then paused at the word 'convince'. Since when did he need to convince anyone that Lindsey McDonald, one of the best and brightest of Wolfram and Hart, was evil? It should be a fact to everyone at Angel Investigations, a known knowledge...right? His inner self was cut off by a small, almost pitiful, whimper from his right.

Angel glanced at the lawyer next to him, and wasn't surprised to find him thrashing and moaning out incomprehensible mutters. Sighing, Angel resigned to what his heart was telling him to do and drew Lindsey into a comforting embrace. 'I'm just doing this so he'll shut up and I can think. '

As if to support his thought, the cries ceased the moment Angel pulled Lindsey into his arms, the lawyer breathed out one last blurred sound then fell silent. Without thinking twice, Angel indulged into the rare luxury of the closeness and greedily inhaled the distinct scent of sex and fading cologne in Lindsey's hair.

During Angel's unfocused state, Lindsey had pulled himself on top of Angel in his sleep. Angel could do nothing except to gawk at the human being sprawled atop of his chest, the tanned arms and legs draped over him like a blanket and allowed the soothing heat that was brought by the body to wash over him.

'What are you going to tell Lindsey when he wakes up?' Angel nearly growled when the little voice interrupted the tranquility surrounding them and asked the one question Angel did not know the answer to.

Last night was a mistake that would never happen again, that was how Angel had filed it in his mind. All he had to do was to figure out a way to rephrase it so it wouldnﾡﾦt sound so hurtful when he told it to Lindsey.

Wait a second, why was he worrying about Lindsey's pain? Besides, whatever he had planned on telling Lindsey was just words, they could never hurt anyone, especially for someone who fought with them everyday.

Deep down inside, Angel knew he was wrong, words could do more damage than any physical injuries. He was speaking from first hand experience, when Buffy had come to LA to hunt down Faith and seek revenge.

Buffy had told him that she had someone new in her life, hurling words like 'love' and 'trust' at him like a stone. As soon as she was finished, he felt his mouth moving and words were flowing out, unstoppable. His mind couldn't register what his mouth was saying; all it could concentrate on was the fact that Buffy had moved on, had left him behind.

When he was done, he was met with the icy glare and the sentence she managed to squeeze out between her thinned lips, "See, Faith wins again." But the phrase didnﾡﾦt make through his aggrieved mind, all he could hear was the repetition of Buffy's declaration of having a new lover in her life and all he could see was the images of her with another man.

He remembered what he had told her, "Go." There were only two things that were clear in his head, one of them was to kiss her and the other was to chase her away. He chose the latter, because it was the best for both of them. And she did, she left him again and didn't bother to look back.

Angel tightened his cool arms around Lindsey's slim waist as the intense memory surged through his thoughts. He was unaware of the discomfort he was causing Lindsey until the lawyer stirred and began to struggle against the restraint.

Released his arms and placed his hands gently on the Lindsey's lower back; Angel willed his growing arousal away.

Sensing from the changed pace of breathing, Angel knew that Lindsey was waking up. He braced himself against any kind of reaction Lindsey might have as he patted him lightly on the shoulder.

When Lindsey opened his eyes, he was greeted by a smooth, marble chest, which he had been using as a pillow, and Angel's soft mahogany eyes. Some distant corner of his mind that wasn't completely numb from shock was aware that his mouth had sagged open in bewilderment, and that he hadn't blinked in a long time; he might never blink again because he just couldn't stop staring.

Lindsey broke his gaze when a low chuckle emerged from Angel and saw him gathering an unneeded breath to speak, but he beat the vampire to it. "How?" He stuttered with difficulty as he tried to lift himself off Angel.

"You were drunk when Gunn, Cordy and I came over to your place to talk to you. We brought you here when we realized you were too wasted to understand a thing we were saying. Also, you owe me a cleaning bill for me car." Angel applied a bit of force to make Lindsey stay sprawled on top of him; he didnﾡﾦt want the warmth to leave, yet.

"Okay... But why am I..." He gestured with a wave of his hand, "here?"

Angel scolded himself for acting to tenderly toward Lindsey. They were enemies who just happened to slept with each other. The voice inside his head laughed hysterically at his reasoning. "Who's Alicia?" He asked, wanting to break away from the comfortable conversation they were having.

"Why?" If Angel could answer his question with one, there wasn't a reason he couldn't do it too.

"Just answer it."

Sighing, Lindsey gave in. "Alicia who?"

Angel searched his brains for a last name, "Dovane."

Lindsey frowned slightly. "I don't think I've ever heard of that name."

"You sure?" Angel tightened his grip on Lindsey's arm and sniffed the air around him. Nothing except for confusion, Angel was pleased at the result. Lindsey wasn't lying.

Angel recalled the detailed descriptions of Glory that Giles had given him over the phone, especially her ability to extract memory or sanity from human brain in order to keep herself sane in this world. Connecting the dots, he came to a simple conclusion ﾡV Holland must have hired Glory to erase everything concerning Alicia from the younger man's head.

"Pretty much, but I could check later. Now back to my original question, why am I here? In your bed?" Angel's train of thought was interrupted when Lindsey moved again.

"We fucked last night," he stated calmly, carefully avoiding eye contact with Lindsey.

"No..." Lindsey watched Angel from the corner of his eye, his brows creasing into a confused frown that didn't quite reach his mouth. He pushed himself up again and this time, he succeeded.

"Oh yes. You enjoyed it too," Angel replied harshly, hiding the disappointment of the absence of Lindsey.

"We just... fucked?" Lindsey's heart was definitely hammering now, his jaw gone slack in disbelief. This was a different Angel, so different from the one he had made love to. Oh, wait, 'fucked'. He thought bitterly. To him, even through the drunken haze, they didnﾡﾦt 'fuck'; he refused to think of last night the way Angel did.

"What else is there?" Angel answered, neglecting the small sting in his heart and the urge to wave his hands frantically as he saw Lindsey's beautiful eyes go flat; as Lindsey closed himself off to him in the familiar way, when Angel had scoffed at his harsh childhood.

Angel clenched his fist under the covers when he sensed the despair in the lawyer's mood, and tried to control himself from pulling Lindsey back into his arms. But it was the only way, he could never love Lindsey, in fact, he wasn't allowed to love anyone.

Angel knew it would be a mistake to fall in love or have any sort of emotion toward Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald was the enemy. 'Denial!' the little voice in his head sang. Angel shook his head in exasperation as he mentally told the voice to shut up.

When Lindsey raised his head, his eyes were unreadable, calm and dark and mixed with a hint of anguish. "You're right, what else is there?" he mocked softly. Years of suffering and practice in blocking the pain came to good use at a moment like this. "What time is it?" he asked, changing the subject.

"A little past six. You can get some more sleep if you want. I'll be in the office." Without waiting for a response, Angel slipped out from under the covers and got dressed. "I'll leave you alone." Then disappeared up the stairs.

"Great, alone." Lindsey's tears silently fell, now he truly was. He had thought that maybe this was a chance for a new start. By the way Angel held him afterward; he thought Angel truly cared.

He had thought Angel was returning his affection. He had thought... Well, it didn't matter now; he was wrong, so utterly and terribly wrong.

The tears rolled down his cheek and gathered at the base of his chin then absorbed by the cotton sheet. He stared at the wet spot, mesmerized. He wasn't aware that he had been crying. The knowledge of his tears broke the dam. Lindsey hunched into a tight ball as gut-wrenched sobs escaped him.

He found himself violently shaking, although he wasn't cold, or was he? On the inside he was cold, so cold he felt his heart almost stop. He had been a lot warmer with Angelﾡﾦs arms around him, even if Angelﾡﾦs skin was always icy to the touch.

Lindsey closed his eyes, in a futile effort of trying to stop the flow of images of the scene earlier. It only seemed to make the memories even stronger, the touches more tangible and the taste of Angel's skin more vivid if he closed his eyes; the low, sultry voice that still rang in his ears more wrenching.

He had given Angel more than his body, he offered him his heart, and Angel had opened up to him. Lindsey would bet anything Angel was laughing inside when he told him that he was a good man.

Maybe that was the problem; he wasn't good enough for Angel. Why would the 'hero' want to consort with him? He picked up his fist and slammed it into the oak nightstand, anything to distract him from the pain within.

"We fucked." Angelﾡﾦs words pricked his ears harshly. "Liar!" he screamed against the pillow.

"What else is there?" Angel had said that to him too. "Liar," Lindsey said again brokenly in a hoarse whisper.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't let Angel in; it was too late now. Nothing could remove the images from his mind. The realization swept over him followed by a new wave of misery.

Lindsey recalled the low sounds that had emerged deep within Angelﾡﾦs throat when Lindsey traced the tattoo on his back with his tongue and the gentle movements as Angel moved within him in contrast with harsh, passion-filled kisses.

How could Lindsey forget the almost pained expression on Angel's face when his facial features scrunched together in the fierce heat and the naked need in those brown eyes? Or the way Angel had planted soft butterfly kisses along his collarbone then retraced the pattern lightly with his sharp teeth?

Lindsey dug his nails into his palm, hoping to ease the pain in his heart; it was useless. Everything reminded him of Angel.

Eventually the tears subsided into occasional sobs, and the sobs to hiccups, then to nothing at all. And, as always, the last thought before he fell into a fitful sleep was of Angel.

Angel ran his hand through his disheveled brown hair and took a deep breath then exhaled slowly to fight the tide of tears that had been threatening to overtake him since the moment Lindsey woke up and looked at him with glittering eyes, a face of perpetual hope.

His mind filled with thought of Buffy and confused by his own feelings, Angel did the only thing he could come up with in such a short time; shattered the gleam in those baby blues with his cruel words.

Angel felt contrite the moment Lindsey turned away, wearing a wounded look in his eyes. When Lindsey spoke again, his voice was chilling, cold enough to make a dead person shiver.

Again, not knowing what to do in a situation like this, Angel fled. He needed to be alone to figure out what was going on, and he was sure Lindsey wanted to do the same.

The vampire wished fervently that he could turn back time, but to no avail as the minutes came and went, leaving him standing in his office. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Angel sat down in his chair.

Angel was acutely aware of that small seed of panic when Lindsey woke up, then his muscles relaxed as he burrowed into Angel.

He understood the emotion, who wouldn't be startled when they woke up in their enemy's bed? He was sure that was something Lindsey wouldn't be caught dead doing. Angel grinned slightly at his expression considering who Lindsey's boss was. But why did Lindsey burrow into him? Didn't Lindsey know they were enemies?

He had tried to avoid any emotion waves from Lindsey, simply because it was too hard not to embrace Lindsey and bury his nose in the light brown hair while whispering comforting words.

As much as Angel refused to acknowledge Lindsey, his supernatural senses made him aware of the muffled cries, the heavy thud of fist colliding again wood and the smell of fear, rejection and pain flowing from the room below. Regularly, his vampire side would howl at the wonderful scent of those emotions, but now, all he could feel was regret and hurt.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he patted his hand to where his heart lay breaking under his chest. Angel knew he shouldn't be feeling like this, shouldnﾡﾦt be aching because of his enemyﾡﾦs pain, even after the night they shared.

It was strange, he didn't feel this strongly when Darla was taken away, the feeling was somewhat similar to the one he felt when he left Sunnydale, but still different.

The emotion now was more intense, the pain was more acute and the guilt within him rose to a new degree. It was almost like...he loved Lindsey? Angel disregarded that idea as soon as it came to him.

The only person he had truly loved was Buffy. He still dreamt about her and couldn't erase the memories of the day that only he remembered. Among the fantasies he had, being married to her had always been the one that he treasured. It always seemed right.

Unfortunately, he could only dream of having that kind of a life with her. He knew that he couldn't just forget the past in fear of the future, but what future would he have with Lindsey? Buffy! He quickly corrected himself and was puzzled by his own mind.

Angel couldn't get away from the vision of Lindsey's every movement when he shared his bed. It repeated itself over and over. Lindsey kissed just like how he fought in courtrooms; danced around a bit then attacked at the most unexpected moment. Angel could still feel the way Lindsey had outlined every muscle in his body with his finger, then his moist and warm tongue.

Lindsey's movements had been so trusting when he leaned and burrowed into Angel afterward instead of moving away. And last, Lindsey had tenderly whispered the most beautiful four-word sentence Angel had heard. Lindsey thought he was a good man. Angel couldnﾡﾦt stop a smile from forming.

Angel shook his head violently as soon as he realized that he was smiling. What were his feelings toward Lindsey, then? It sure wasn't love; it couldn't be. He was 'Lindsey' for crying out loud, the evil lawyer boy who walked past the open door of redemption...twice!

Angel recalled his distress and sadness when Cordelia showed his the paper stating Lindsey McDonald was promoted, and when he read about the death of Lilah Morgan. He knew Lindsey and Lilah were co-executives; with one of them dead, it could only mean the other was now in charge. Angel didn't know if he should be thankful that it wasn't Lindsey who was killed or grit his teeth to fight back the urge to punch something.

How could he ever love someone who was willing to let the person they love to be killed for wealth? Lindsey did exactly just that, he didn't make any effort to save that girl, Alicia.

'Maybe it's because he was too busy getting his brains sucked out,' the little voice was annoyingly back and returned the statement heatedly.

He could have at least searched for her whereabouts, but nope, Lindsey was too busy setting up his office. Angel retorted.

'Did I not mention the brain sucking part?' This time, the voice sounded curiously like Cordelia. Angel sighed quietly, knowing he was being unreasonable to Lindsey. Lindsey had obviously cared for that woman who shared a chilling similarity to Darla, and Angel hated to admit he felt a tiny sting of envy.

He was back at the main question: Did he love Lindsey or not? Angel felt helpless for the first time in a long time. He didn't love Lindsey; it was nothing more than lust. Lust, that was it, and tension. He had lusted after Darla, and got what he had missed for so long. Once he got a taste of it, he craved for more.

Finally satisfied with the conclusion, Angel stood up and stretched his sore muscles. His legs and back were numb from his sitting position. He glanced at the clock on his desk and it told him that it was almost eight. Cordelia should be in soon. After picking up the tape sitting on his desk, Angel padded softly out of the office, he needed to talk to Lindsey.


	4. Chapter 4

Lindsey didn't get much sleep, mostly because his dreams were plagued by nightmares. He lost count of the times he had jolted awake with his mouth hanging open, gasping for air. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what his dreams were about, but he did know they terrified him.

When he had jerked awake, he found himself soaked in sweat and his hair sticking to his forehead, even the sheets underneath him were damp. Sighing, he rolled over to the other side and fluffed the pillow, hoping the horrid feeling would go away eventually. It didn't.

It was almost an hour later when Lindsey decided that it was pointless to attempt to go back to sleep and pulled himself up to a sitting position. He was on his side with his back braced against the headboard; knees pulled up with his arms wrapped around his ribs as if this would somehow protect him from whatever the future held.

Judging from the silence downstairs, Lindsey assumed that Angel was either asleep or thinking, and the latter was something he should be doing too. What was he to do with the newest development in his relationship with Angel? He would be lying to himself if he said he hadn't enjoyed last night, it was like a dream coming true.

As soon as he understood his real feelings for Angel, he showed up at the door. Followed by his unexpected visit was a night that fulfilled nearly every desire. But what was it to Angel? He knew what it meant to him and he certainly didn't have any regrets.

Lindsey loved Angel; that was something he had came to accept and embrace. However, he could not figure out if Angel would return his affection. 'Why would he?' Lindsey silently asked himself. He had done nothing except to make Angel's life miserable by hiring a slayer, trying to kill his crew, bringing back his sire and his childe only to have Drusilla turning Darla in front of Angel's eyes.

Last night, Angel had been gentle, the tenderness in his touch and the way Angel pulled him into his arms afterward told him that Angel cared, and quite possibly loved him back. But this morning, everything was turned on its side. There was the unmerciful comment, the way Angel simply filed the night before as a 'fuck', and the rush Angel was in to get away from him told a different story.

Lindsey groaned aloud; he shouldn't have gotten drunk. Every reason as to why he shouldn't be drinking came back to him, adding to the growing hangover that was gnawing away his brain. He rarely got wasted, let alone on a workday. Sure, he had a glass of wine on occasions, a few bottles of beer on weekends and even a shot of bourbon from time to time, but he never gotten so smashed that he let people take advantage of him. His heart told him that wasn't true; he didn't put up one bit of resistance when Angel kissed him. He was more than willing.

He sat in silence as he began to explore deep within himself. Lindsey had to come up with a solution to the dilemma, whether he liked it or not. He carefully considered every possible response Angel would give him, and all possible answers to them. He scratched his head in aggravation when every fiber in his body told him to be with Angel but offered no means to help achieve that goal.

Suddenly, a fact dawned upon him; it was impossible for Angel think of last night as 'making love', if Angel had, then he should have woke up next to Angelus. Lindsey went still at that thought and felt his breath cut short as the agony ran through his body freely. He didn't know why he feels so horribly at the thought that Angel didn't care enough to turn into Angelus, he shouldn't be feeling this way. He should be glad that Angel still has his soul. 'No wonder he can't, no won't, love me.' Lindsey thought with a grimace. 'No wonder that I'm alone.'

He would always be alone, no lover, no friends and worst of all, no family. He had thrown away his family when he left for college without a word to his family. He had contacted his brother as soon as he got into Hastings, and started working in a local grocery store.

Instead of anger, which Lindsey had expected, all he got was a monotone voice that told him his father had passed away. The only time he returned home was for the funeral; it was the last time he had seen his mother and siblings and the pure disappointment and disgust on their faces. Similar to the look on Angel's face whenever he made his presence known to the vampire.

Lindsey had fooled himself into believing he loved Darla, but now he knew he didn't. He only did that because it was the closest thing of being with Angel, through his sire. He was expendable to everything and everyone; the firm, Angel and probably his family as long as he left them a large inheritance. He didn't blame them for viewing him as nothing but a source for cash; it was one of the results of being a cold-blooded bastard, what else was he good for?

From his experience, Lindsey had learned that love isn't able to fill empty stomachs or put a roof over his head; then the irony came in. When he had achieved everything he had ever wanted, he began to long for the emotions he had thrown away: love. The love of a sworn enemy.

As each tormenting moment passed, each second spent surrounded by a terrifying feeling of nothingness, of absence that had invaded nearly all of his senses... Lindsey found he was starting to feel less like a person and more like a mere apparition. A lost spirit increasingly disconnected from the physical world... from everything that he longed for.

Unexpectedly, his father's voice popped into his head; "You are a strong boy, Linds. There's nothin' you can't do if you put your mind to it." Of course, his dad had said it before he lost everything and started drinking, but it meant a lot to Lindsey. And his father was right, Lindsey McDonald wasn't the type that would curl up into a ball and hope the world would go away, he wasn't a person who would bury his head in the sand and let fate take control. He was someone who chooses his own destiny; he didn't get to where he was today by wallowing. True, he made some wrong choices, but at least he had the guts to make them instead of leaving it all up to fate.

Lindsey heard of the quote that sometimes the thing you wanted most was the exact thing you just couldn't have; and that was bullshit! When he was little, all Lindsey wanted was to be rich and powerful, now he had it. At the age of 27, he drove a Mercedes, lived in a well-decorated and spacious apartment and was the youngest junior partner in the most successful law firm in Los Angeles.

Now what he yearned for was the cruelest and most brutal vampire in all land who was cursed with a soul and currently working for redemption by ruining every case Lindsey had handled. And damn his heart if he was going to let Angel go without a fight. Sure, he knew Angel saw him as his archenemy, a slimy lawyer who had turned a deaf ear to the pleas of the helpless.

Lindsey felt his heart stopped briefly at that thought and what he had done in the past to ensure his wealth and his life. He found himself fighting back the internal aching with a fierceness even he didn't even recognize.

If he wasn't good enough to be on Angel's side, he would just have to try harder and change his ways, it couldn't be that hard, for he was already sick of the dirty work at Wolfram and Hart. Besides, what was the worst Angel could do? Brutal beating? Harsh comments? Slam the door in his face? Been there, done that. He was tired of being alone, dispensable and letting what he loved slip by. He was tired of all the mind games with the firm where he suppressed his feelings to keep a clear head. When he was with Angel, feelings were always first, not success.

As of that moment, he, Lindsey McDonald, was taking the first step toward the light, and unlike the last time, he wasn't looking back anymore. His goal was right in front of him, waiting for him.

Determined, Lindsey started to get up, cursing the skull-splitting pain as he slowly got out of bed. Even though he didn't want to leave the warm comforter filled with the scent of Angel, he knew he had to. Every man had to face his demons sometime; only in his case, it was a literal demon who could very well backhand him into unconsciousness. He wobbled across the room, stretched, and did his best to ignore the soreness between his legs.

Despite how careful they had tried to be last night, minor damage was still there. Lindsey ran a gentle finger over the bruised flesh on his hips; Angel had gripped tightly when he released himself inside Lindsey. He found his sweatpants at the doorway and his boxers tossed carelessly underneath the bed. He chuckled lightly as he recalled Angel's impatience in getting them off. Decided that he didn't want to put on clothing that reeked of vodka, Lindsey searched around for clothes he could borrow.

Within minutes, he was dressed in an over-sized blue sweater he found at the foot of the bed, which almost fell to his knees and covered his hands with its long sleeves. With a grimace on his face, Lindsey pulled on his boxers and a pair of sweats he found in the closet. He didn't think running around Angel Investigation in Angel's clothes and nothing else underneath was a smart thing to do. After taking a few deep breaths and finger combed his hair, Lindsey stepped out of the room. Time to face his very own personal demon.

Angel was shocked when Lindsey opened the door before he could knock. "Lindsey, I..." He gathered himself, and plunged ahead, "I'm sorry."

Lindsey shivered. Angel's tone of voice was so gentle, so sincere, and it lit a bright spark of warmth within his heart. He wanted to run to the vampire, wrap his arms around his cool body and bury his face in the marble chest. But he controlled his urges and listened quietly.

"Last night was a mistake, I was frustrated and you were drunk and in the wrong place at the wrong time..." Angel didn't miss how Lindsey's once radiant blue eyes had dimmed to a blank and plain color, the color of the fading sky before nightfall; it vanished before Angel could further analyze it.

"Of course, a mistake." Damn it! This was harder than he thought it would be. Lindsey cursed silently.

"But I shouldn't have phrased it the way I did. I'm sorry."

"So, what do we do about this 'mistake'?" Lindsey ignored the apology and went straight for the sarcasm.

Angel forced himself not acknowledge how adorable Lindsey looked in his sweater and how usually, the color blue would bring out Lindsey's eyes. But now, the sweater seemed to steal the shine from him. Almost like it was swallowing him whole with its color.

He really, really hated to be the person to do this to Lindsey, even when Lindsey was threatened, mocked, insulted or defeated; his eyes were never dimmed. Yet Angel had managed to accomplish it with few words. But it was necessary and it was for the best, for both of them and for everyone. With that thought in mind, Angel continued on, "I think it would be best to never mention it again."

"I understand, discretion is a part of my job." Angel knew he held a distasteful look on his face and was probably glaring at the lawyer because the younger man quickly added, "for my clients."

Somehow, that didn't make the vampire feel any better, he felt his frown deepened. "Glad we got that out of the way."

"Very," Lindsey said with such ease that seemed like he was unaffected.

"So..." Angel stuffed his hands in his pockets, hoping to break the awkwardness that seemed to have settled between them quite nicely.

Lindsey let the uneasy silence linger for a little longer, then spoke calmly, "Can I borrow your car? I need to get back to my place, take a shower and get ready for work." He quietly thanked the hours he had spent practicing in front of his mirror to keep a hard and cool mask even when he felt he was being torn apart inside.

Before Angel could answer, Cordelia's voice drifted up from the lobby, "Hello?"

Her voice reminded Lindsey something, "Wait a minute, why were you and your employees over at my apartment last night in the first place?"

"First of all, they are not my employees anymore, I work for them. Wesley's in charge." Angel dared a shy grin when Lindsey's mouth dropped open. "Second of all, you'll have to see for yourself. Come on," He mentioned with a nod of his head and headed down the hall, expecting Lindsey to follow him. He stole one last glance at the strong, muscular legs encased in thin sweats before turning away while trying to shake the images of those graceful limbs wrapped around him out of his mind.

"I need to get to work, I'll be lucky if I can make it on time. I have a board meeting at ten," Lindsey grumbled, but followed Angel's instruction.

"Guess you'll have to cancel," Angel replied easily, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"It's not something I can just cancel." Lindsey's head snapped up at Angel's crazy suggestion. "I don't have the power to," he explained seconds later.

"Sure you can, you are in charge now." Angel couldn't help the hint of disappointment and satire in his voice.

"How much do you know?" Lindsey asked defensively, he wasn't going to go back to the firm if they were going to kill him or do something so much worse. He winced at the thought of all the horrible tortures the senior partners are capable of.

"A lot, plus what I found out on the tape."

"Tape?" Lindsey felt foolish the moment the word left his mouth. He wasn't a damn parrot.

"Yes, something you put in the VCR and it shows you images and sounds?" Angel waved the videocassette in his hand; he felt a tug at the corner of his lips.

"What was a surprise, you are actually caught up with modern technology..." Lindsey trailed off when two masculine voices were heard.

"Is Angel all right?" an accented voice asked.

"You mean is Angel a big pile of dust yet?"

"No, but I will be if someone doesn't close the blinds soon," the vampire answered with a half-smile, sounding amused.

"Wow, I'm impressed. Born-again boy is still alive, and in one piece!" Cordelia exclaimed, sounding more serious than she intended to. "Nice sweater, stolen?" She eyed the Wolfram and Hart lawyer cautiously, not wanting to miss anything unusual.

"Good morning to you all too." Lindsey managed a tiny smile, but the returning hangover was making his head feel like it was being pounded by thousands of sledgehammers. He cringed slightly at the pain. "Anyone have any aspirin?"

"No aspirin, but I do have Excedrin." Cordelia pulled out an economy size bottle of the medicine from the bottom drawer of her desk. "I got this right after you tried to kill me...no wait, you drove me insane first, then tried to kill me," she said with her biggest and brightest fake smile and a tone full of acid.

"I'm sorry." That was the only thing Lindsey could think of. He was sorry, for the pain he had cost those people; he glanced at Wesley before turning his eyes back to Cordelia. It wasn't going to be easy to make them believe he was now a changed man, but Lindsey was eager to try and earn their trust. He was willing to do anything as long as he was going to be by Angel's side.

"May I please have some? My head is killing me." Courtesy was always a good method to start with.

"I guess, since you apologized so sincerely." Surprisingly enough, there was not sarcasm in her tone this time as she dropped two pills into Lindsey's outstretched hand and handed him a glass of water. Cordelia meant it when she told the lawyer that his apology was sincere, she saw it in his eyes. The cockiness seemed to be drained away and in its place was a newfound person.

Lindsey took a sip of the drink, moisturizing his dry throat, and cleared it twice. "Thanks." He gulped the tablets down quickly then finished the remaining glass of water in one breath.

"Let's just show him the tape, then kick his evil ass out," the man Lindsey recognized as Gunn stated as soon as Lindsey placed the glass back down on the desk.

Lindsey carefully went over his memories, he hadn't done anything to the other man that would cause this much despise toward him. But then he saw the way Gunn looked at his friends; it was reasonable. Lindsey had hurt his friends; therefore, Lindsey was his enemy. He sighed silently and couldn't control the jealousy and longing raising inside him for a loyal friend.

"Again, what tape?" Lindsey repeated, feeling nervous all of the sudden.

"This tape." Angel handed the cassette the Wesley.

Without any indication from Angel, Wesley took a hold of Lindsey's arm and led him toward the office.

"What's on it?" Lindsey shouted back as he was guided away.

"Something you should know, but can't remember," Angel replied cryptically as Lindsey was ushered into Angel's new office and was seated in Angel's chair with the TV directly in front of him. "Let us know when you're done," the vampire's voice called from the other side of the closed door.

Seeing no other choice and knowing he would be late no matter what, Lindsey plopped his legs on the desk after pushing play on the VCR.

Angel had fell into a daze as soon as Lindsey disappeared behind the closed door. What Cordelia said before she handed Lindsey the pills reminded him of another reason why he shouldn't have any feelings other than hatred, suspicion and disgust toward Lindsey.

The images of Cordelia restrained and tied to a bed while screaming on top of her lung until her voice was rasp and an unconscious Wesley laying on the stairs, covered in burns and tiny cuts came into Angel's mind. The face of Faith as she cried and begged for him to kill her, desperate tears molding in perfectly with the rain, reappeared before his eyes. Then the image of the hopelessness in Darla's eyes as Druislla sired her and then the cruel way his sire smiled at him as she stabbed the store clerk in the back followed. All of those reminded him that Lindsey was bad, evil, a cold-blooded lawyer who would do anything, kill anyone who dared to stand in his way of success.

'He did want to change,' a tiny voice reminded him of Lindsey's attempt to leave Wolfram and Hart and the help Lindsey had given him to save those children.

'He pretended that he wanted to change,' Angel retorted, adding emphasis to the word pretended. He had trusted Lindsey; let him into his well-guarded heart even though he didn't show it. They had a lot in common, almost too much, which was part of the reason that made Angel run to hide behind a wall of mockery. But what did Lindsey do? He tore a hole in Angel's heart in order to escape back to the darkness and the wound left behind was still raw.

'He never knew you trusted him.' This time, Angel chose to ignore the comment and focused on other thoughts and let the regret slowly creeps in, there wasn't a thing he could do to stop it anyway. If only he had showed more interest and concern when Lindsey told him about his past, if only he let down the defensive wall a little, if only he hadn't mocked Lindsey whenever he could, if only he hadn't been so hard-hearted, if only...

Angel caught himself before he could drown himself in the deep pool of guilt he had worked up. He needed to concentrate on the situation on hand; there would be time for brooding later, preferably soon. 'Or you can just listen to me for once.' Annoyed with the voice, Angel turned to his reasoning and shut off the incessant voice of his heart.

'Lindsey is the enemy.' Angel's logic told him, and he agreed. 'So was Faith...' the vampire was tempted to cover his ears and start singing just to get away from the voice.

Faith. Angel couldn't stop himself from letting his thoughts drift. He had been patient and understanding toward the rogue slayer, he protected her and even hit Buffy so Faith could escape. Why hadn't he shown the same emotion when Lindsey came for help? Was it because Lindsey had hired Faith in the first place? Or was it because he simply couldn't risk showing any tenderness in fear of getting close to him?

Angel knew hurting people with harsh words was his forte, even when he had good intentions. He remembered the disbelieving look on his former employees' faces when he fired them; the disbelief was soon replaced by rage as they stomped out of the office. That look was oddly familiar.

Suddenly, he remembered. Lindsey had the same expression on his face when he had called him a...what was it? 'Acceptable risk,' the voice supplied. Exactly, he couldn't endanger his friends simply because Lindsey wanted out, and he didn't even know if the human could be trusted or not. 'But you did welcome Faith with open arms.'

'Shut up!' He scowled at the voice. It went away, but Angel knew it would return soon and it did. 'Haven't you done enough to hurt Lindsey?' It asked accusingly. And Angel remembered the way the mortal had reacted to his crude comment of the fact that they 'fucked'.

Lindsey held the same shocked and hurt look on his boyish features just like Darla did when she found out he was still Angel, and not her favorite childe – Angelus. The funny thing was, Angel was careless of Darla's disposition, but he was more than worried about Lindsey.

He shouldn't care for Lindsey; it was wrong and stupid! He needed to stay away from the lawyer, and as soon as Lindsey finished watching the tape, he would throw him out and far away from his life.

It was always easier to keep people at a distance; no one would get attached, therefore, no one would get hurt. He had tried that with Buffy; it obviously didn't work, for he had fallen madly in love with her and he remembered and savored the exact moment. But with Lindsey, it was unexpected.

Lindsey had somehow managed to get under Angel's skin and entrenched his presence firmly in his heart. With the slayer, Angel was aware of the way she tore down the walls around his heart and how. Lindsey was able to the exact same thing as Buffy did, faster, stronger, and with greater precision. Too fast for Angel to regain control of the situation, too strong for Angel to not think about him and too precise for Angel's stilled heart to remain intact when the lawyer was around.

Angel growled unhappily at that thought and patted the left side of his chest a little too hard as he silently warned his heart to behave.

"Hello? Earth to Angel! Come back Angel! Broody boy! Angel!" He nearly jumped out of his seat and tripped over his own foot when Cordelia shouted his name loudly into his ear and to his oversensitive hearing, it was ten times worse.

"Huh?" was the best and only intellectual response he could give her, along with a look of total bewilderment on his face. He didn't even bother to think of an excuse for his lack of attention and from the anger boiling in Cordelia's eyes, he knew he wasn't going to get out of this one easily.


	5. Chapter 5

Cordelia seriously thought she was going to spontaneously combust when Angel didn't make any effort to cover his obvious daydreaming. "I asked you a question about the born-again boy."

"And?" Angel knew he was treading on thin ice when Cordelia's eyes narrowed.

"And I'm guessing you missed the first forty-five minutes of our discussion, too!" Her eyes shot stakes at him.

"What was the question?" Angel straightened up and focused his eyes on Cordelia, not wanting to anger her any further. He really didn't want to die, despite the fact he was over two hundred years old.

"I asked why are we helping Lindsey again?"

"We are not helping him, we are just showing him the true face of his employers and hope he'll make a right choice."

"I thought that's what we did last time." Wesley cut in, his tone armored with skepticism. "How do we know he will make the right choice this time?"

"We don't," Angel answered calmly. "We'll have to give him the benefit of doubt."

He felt a hint of sympathy for Lindsey. From what Lindsey had told him about his childhood, he didn't have to guess twice that Lindsey probably broke all bonds with his family, either willingly on his part or by the hands of Wolfram and Hart.

The young woman in the video might be the last person who Lindsey had loved. Lindsey deserved some happiness in his life, and Angel was going to provide it, he owed him at least that much.

"That's comforting." Cordelia slumped back into her chair and glanced at the close door of Angel's office. "I don't understand how he can accept the promotion after they killed his girlfriend or whatever that Darla look-a-like was to him." she muttered under her breath, sounding confused and disturbed.

"He doesn't remember her." Angel's vampire hearing picked up the whisper.

"What do you mean 'he doesn't remember her'?" Gunn, who had remained silent for a while, voiced the question on everyone's mind.

"Exactly what I said. I think Glory took out the memories of Alicia from Lindsey." Angel turned to Wesley for support on his theory.

"Can Glory do that?" Cordelia turned to look at Wesley as well, hoping for a confirmation of Angel's hypothesis.

"I believe she can, even though it may take a great effort and energy on her part; but it is possible." Wesley answered with a frown, if that was true, then Glory would be a terrifying enemy.

"So Lindsey has no idea who that woman is?" Gunn's words were filled with suspicion. "If he can't remember, how do we expect him to believe us?"

"Like I've said before, we don't." Angel was getting a little annoyed with the whole 'Lindsey will always be evil' routine. His friends had forgiven him and accepted him back after he deserted them and locked innocent people, well maybe not the innocent part, in a wine cellar with two of the most vicious vampires ever known. If he could change, why not Lindsey?

Angel had come to understand and was beginning to get over Lindsey's return to the firm after saving those children. Both sides could claim fault there; his own lack of understanding and Lindsey's thirst for wealth caused by his past. They were both to blame, but painting Lindsey as the evil one had always been easier and it helped him to keep his head held up high and maintained the 'holier-than-thou' attitude around the other man.

"What if he's lying? His whole job is based on lying," Cordelia got up from her seat and started to pace around the lobby. "Did your vampire senses pick up anything when you asked him? When did you ask him?"

"He's not lying, not this time. And I asked him this morning, when he just woke up, I doubt his brain was working properly to lie so easily without coffee."

Angel's attempt at humor went by unnoticed.

"But why are we helping him?" Cordelia quickened her pace; she looked like she was speed-walking. She chewed on her lower lip. "I just don't get it!"

"I have to agree with her, Angel. How do we know he wouldn't betray us this time?" Wesley stood up from his seat and walked over to stop Cordelia from wearing out the soles of her shoes.

"Look, I gave Faith a chance when you all thought she didn't deserve one." He glanced at Wesley. "I owe at least that much to Lindsey." All of that had sounded better in his head, but he hoped the sincerity on his face had made up from his poor wording.

"But she didn't try to kill us, just torture and kill Wesley, beat me up..." Cordelia trailed off as she thought about the similarity of both situations. "Never mind."

"Faith didn't go back to Wolfram and Hart like Lindsey did," Wesley countered, "and she certainly didn't choose to kill us, she was hired."

It seemed a bit odd that Wesley would be defending someone whom had tortured him half to death. But when Angel looked into the English man's eyes, he understood when he saw the same guilt mirroring in his own eyes, for not being a better role model, a more fitting watcher or simply trying harder.

"Listen, guys. All I'm saying is I feel we've been unfair to Lindsey. We don't get to chose who we help," Angel said quietly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. "That's something I learned, and we are not even helping him, just showing him the other side. We'll help him when he makes the decision."

"He has a point," Gunn nodded. He understood Lindsey's need to be successful, to be the one in control. Growing up on the streets had taught Gunn one lesson: you are either the one with power, or you are powerless. He was just lucky that he had a family to back him up, to correct him when he was turned onto the wrong path; Lindsey didn't have that.

"Great, two against two," Cordelia groaned.

"Maybe we should get the Host over here. I know he'll definitely be on our side," Gunn suggested with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

"Why would he be on your side? Angel tortures him with his singing."

"Hey!" Angel protested, but his complaint was ignored as the other two carried on with their conversation.

"Because he has a crush on Lindsey..." Gunn said smugly, pleased to see the stunned looked on his co-workers' face.

"And how did you know? Wait... if it involves yucky details, spare me."

"What? Someone as bright as you didn't see it? The suggestive words, the more than often pat on the back and the arm around the shoulder."

"Only you would notice such details!"

"Hey! Watch the sarcasm!"

"You started it."

"Nuh uh, you did!"

"You did!" As each moment passed by, Cordelia felt like she was reverting back to the seven years old that she was.

"You did!"

"Enough children," Wesley sighed after about fifty 'you did's were exchanged between Cordelia and Gunn. Wesley picked up a mug and poured freshly made coffee into it. "There isn't really a point arguing about something as absurd as this." He chuckled at how worked up they'd gotten over something so trivial.

Angel was busy staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Lorne had a crush on Lindsey? That idea was too much for him to bear let along how silly the sentence sounded. But why couldn't he shake the bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach and the acrid taste rising to his throat? It was almost like...he was jealous of Lorne and Lindsey? Oh god, they even had an alliteration thing going on there. He shook his head at that thought.

He knew he was a bit possessive, but why should he be jealous of Lindsey and Lorne? He was only possessive, or rather, protective of his friends; Lindsey certainly didn't fall under that category. Too deep into his thoughts, he didn't notice what was going on until it was too late.

Cordelia wandered over to the still closed door. "Shouldn't the tape be over..." Her words were cut off and replaced by a scream as both of her hands shot up to cradle her head against the skull-splitting followed by flashes of images and lost her balance as she began to fall backwards.

"Vision!" All three men shouted as Angel and Gunn dashed to catch Cordelia's fall while Wesley grabbed the notepad and a pen from the nearby desk, after dropping the coffee carelessly, then rushed back to his friends.

In their haste, Angel and Gunn collided into each other, they watched helplessly as Cordelia dropped to the ground. Instead of the thump they had expected, there was nothing.

Lindsey was expecting anything except for Cordelia to fall into his arms and he instinctively caught her twitching body. It finally dawned on him; she was having a vision. A feeling of usefulness came over him as he did his best to hold down the jerking movements.

Even during her vision, Cordelia was aware of the pair of strong arms that supported her as she leaned against the equally muscled chest babbling out words of information between spasms. "Office building. Big, round rooms with funny wall design. Blood everywhere and candles. Oh my God!" The prophet's eyes snapped wide open in fear. "Angel!"

"What? I'm right here!" Angel was instantly at her side, concern clearly written on his face.

"No, stop! Lindsey!" As those last words slipped out of her mouth in a shaky whisper and the last one screamed; Cordelia opened her eyes and gave her worried coworkers a tired smile.

"I'm okay. I'm okay...but somebody get that Excedrin in my drawer and my coffee." She closed her eyes in exhaustion then opened them again when none of her friends had moved. "Now would be good!"

At her command, Gunn and Wesley hurried to get the requested items while Angel wrapped his arms around her slim shoulders, his cold, large hands in contact with the lawyers, and led her to the couch, then laid her down gently.

"Cordy, what did you see?" Angel asked softly, but the desperation in his voice could not be mistaken. He hadn't even notice the other two men approaching until they were close enough to hand her the painkillers and coffee.

"You were in a huge room, marble floor, with strange painting on the wall, like a symbol or something..." she started after swallowing the pills in a speed that made everyone worry if she was going to choke.

"What colors were the paintings?" Wesley asked gingerly as he handed her the notepad and pen. "Can you draw it?"

Cordelia recalled more details as she began to retrace the image she saw in her vision. "You were in it," she glanced at Angel, "you were just standing there while some weasel-looking guy stood in the blood circle and he was chanting. Here, I also drew the symbol on the floor." She passed the pad back to Wesley, who hurried off to research the design.

"What did the weasel-looking guy look like? Besides the fact he looks weasely," Gunn inquired as he ran his hand down Cordelia's arm.

"He was bald, and wearing glasses with black frames, and in a suit," she answered and eyed Lindsey discreetly and was pleased when he didn't seem to notice her action.

"Nathan," the young lawyer breathed out the name in shock and disgust, he should have known Wolfram and Hart was behind this; they always were.

"You know him? Good, because you were there, too." She watched Lindsey persistently. "Staking Angel." Her last two words had more effect than the two atomic bombs dropped on the Japanese islands during World War II.

"What?" was the common response from everyone in the room, even Wesley, who was buried in a pile of books in the far corner, lifted his head in shock and but stayed seated.

"Aha! I knew he couldn't be trusted!" Gunn shouted; his eyes filled with raging distrust.

"Well, we all know that," Cordelia replied casually, "but what I don't get it why didn't Angel stop him?" Puzzlement settled firmly on her delicate features. "He just sorta stood there and waited to be turned to a big pile of dust."

Angel's face mirrored the expression of bewilderment.

"I would never stake Angel," Lindsey objected. He locked his gaze with the vampire, sapphire eyes shining a promise that Lindsey would protect with his life.

Even Wesley and Cordelia had to believe his words, much against their will. Sure, the shock on Lindsey's face could be mastered in court and the seemingly genuine sentiment in his voice could be trained by the many years of practice Lindsey had in convincing juries, but the honesty in his eyes was impossible to fake.

Angel was the expert of hiding his feelings, but it had taken him decades to master the skill. And the most Lindsey had was ten years.

Cordelia cocked her head to the left as she studied the young man in front of her. There was vulnerability mixed with sincerity in those baby blues, which held her searching gaze steadily. The unreadable expression in those sapphire eyes suggested that... Lindsey was afraid to lose Angel?

Shaking her head as she dismissed that offhand thought. They were archenemies! It was ridiculous to think the golden boy of Wolfram and Hart held any other emotion toward her non-living friend besides hatred. Still, there was something she couldn't put her finger on.

First, the way Angel got defensive when she and Wesley talked about Lindsey's weak morals, now Lindsey was 'swearing' he would never hurt Angel? When did hell freeze over?

"Why didn't I do something?" Angel asked.

"Beats me," she shrugged her shoulders, and mentally discarded any further bizarre ideas involving Angel and Lindsey running loose in her head. She turned to the silent lawyer, "What did you think of the video?"

"Disturbing, seeing myself on screen doing stuff I don't remember. At least I understand my crush on Darla. She looked so much like her." The last sentence was filled with bitterness. "I have to get back." Lindsey turned and began to head out the door.

"Back where?" Even walking, Lindsey could feel Wesley's icy gaze on his back, penetrating the shield of calmness he had worked up.

"Wolfram and Hart." He tried to say it with as much ease as he could, but Lindsey found himself failing miserably at the task.

"What?" was the communal response from everyone in the lobby; the only difference was that this time, their tone was filled with more disappointment than shock.

"Fine," Angel dismissed Lindsey with a wave of his hand. He kept his face down; he didn't want anyone to notice his anger and hurt at Lindsey's decision.

Angel shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants, trying to stop himself from reaching out and strangle Lindsey's pretty little neck, or was he trying to control the urge of pulling Lindsey into his arms and plead for him to stay? Angel was confused by his thoughts. He should have known that Lindsey would want to go back the firm, but why did it still hurt so much?

"Why are you still here? Go!" He yelled, not caring if his sudden raise of voice could startle his friends, all he knew was that he wanted Lindsey out of his eternal life, starting right this moment.

Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley gawked at their friend. Angel was not behaving like his normal calm, broody self. He held a look of torment on his pale features mixed with something else.

Something Cordelia was familiar with, it was the same expression that was on Buffy's face when Angel left Sunnydale without another word and it reappeared again on Angel's when Buffy first visited LA.

"Angel?" Lindsey whispered, taking a tentative step toward the vampire. He inhaled deeply, knowing it could possibly be his last breath, and tried to shake off the growing fear as he advanced toward the seething vampire.

"Go crawling back to your boss!" Angel took a firm hold on Lindsey's shoulders and was pushing him out the door with his inhuman strength.

Angel hissed in pain as the sunlight made contact with his skin, and within seconds, there was smoke emerging from the scorched flesh. Despite the pain, Angel didn't let go of his grip on Lindsey, instead, he stopped all movement and was staring at the tiled floor with his head hung.

"Go!" The last word was muffled with a strangled sob, but Angel didn't notice. Perhaps he did, but just didn't care for he was too tied up with the waves of emotions clashing against his no longer beating heart.

Lindsey had twice deceived him with his attempts to change and they both led to another game of planning and revenge. Angel wasn't going to allow it to happen again. He had to end it, this thing between him and Lindsey, before it could cause him to do something he would regret forever, and it wasn't figuratively in his case.

Seeing his opportunity, Lindsey quickly pushed the dazed vampire into the shade and out of the flaming rays of daylight. But when he tried to pry Angel's large hands off his shoulder, Angel tightened them to a point where Lindsey felt like his bones and muscles were being mold into one.

"I just need gather some files and do some research on that woman, Alicia Dovane, and pack some stuff. I'll be back," Lindsey said with a gentle patience as he flinched slightly against the bruising grasp Angel had on his shoulders.

"Promise?" It was somewhere between a whimper and a plea.

Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley's felt their jaw go slack at Angel's weak and pleading tone. They hadn't heard that tone since Angel came back from his trip to the dark side and begged for their forgiveness.

"Promise. I'll be back before sundown and we can decide what to do." Lindsey whispered softly. "But now I have to go and I don't want to rouse any kind of suspicion by being late on my first day."

"Use my car." Angel finally loosened his hands and dug out a set of keys from his pocket.

"Thanks." Lindsey smiled tenderly as he exited the office.

"Will someone tell me what the hell just happened?" Gunn was the first to regain his ability to speak while Cordelia and Wesley still stood with their mouth open.

"What do you mean?" Angel acted as if the exchange between him and Lindsey was perfectly normal or it had never happened.

"You just gave him your car!" Cordelia shouted, "The car you won't let me drive!" She sat down in a huff, crossing her arms across her chest and glared at her former boss in injustice.

"Angel, are you feeling all right?" the Wesley inquired, sounding worried and got up from his books-piled table.

"Yeah, why?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe it's because you just gave Lindsey your car!" Cordelia was fuming with ire and a hint of envy swimming underneath the cover of anger.

"Lend, not give. And he'll come back with the car, he promised." That defense sounded better in his head.

"Since when are you so trusting of them lawyers?" The question was indistinct because Gunn was rubbing his sore jaw when he asked it.

"Now?" Angel replied sheepishly. To be honest, he had no idea why he felt the potent need to trust Lindsey, but he just went along with his instincts; they had never failed him before.

"Seriously Angel, why?" Wesley approached, his brows furrowed over the inexplicable ways his friend was acting.

"Because I want to help him," Angel explained, "I know I didn't exactly give my best the last two times, and I want to make it work, I want to save his soul." 'And then maybe this annoying voice in my head would go away,' he added silently.

"Let just hope you can keep this attitude until Lindsey's soul is saved. Don't you go and have another epiphany," Gunn warned jokingly as he turned for the door as well. "I'll check up on you guys later."

Wesley nodded his goodbye to Gunn and returned to the books.

"I understand the whole 'I feel bad about how horrible I treated him the last time thing', but what's with the begging?" Cordelia asked casually while sorting through the mail. "Bills, bills, bills..." she grumbled under her breath.

"Begging? I wasn't begging!" Angel objected, seething with embarrassment and confusion. He wasn't begging, was he?

"Oh, there was major begging, right after the screaming fit you had." She grabbed the letter opener out of her desk and began to open the mail. "Eww, chicken-fearing demon blood." She made a face at the dried blue substance sticking to the paper.

"I didn't have a fit!"

"Right, right, I believe you, you were just talking loudly. But you did beg."

"I agree, I was just talking loudly... But I didn't..." The phone ringing interrupted him and Cordelia signaled Angel to be silent as she answered the call.

"I wasn't..." The vampire was told to be quiet by his coworker again when she pushed the 'line two' button.

"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless. How may I help you?" Cordelia nodded as the caller gave her the situations and their name. "Okay, no, lunch would be great. I'll see you around eleven? Great, bye," she said cheerfully as she hung up the phone.

"Listen, I really wasn't begging!"

"Did I not say I believe you? I'm heading down to the bank to check if Mr. Verdi had transferred his payment to our account, then I'm meeting a new client for lunch. I'll be back around two." Cordelia was halfway out the lobby before her sentence was finished.

"It's only nine right now. You don't need two hours to go to the bank!"

"Oh yes, you do. When your friend lends his car to someone else and you have to find a ride," she called from the sidewalk in front of the Hyperion.

"But it's only two blocks down..." Angel reasoned, but stopped when he realized Cordelia was long gone. "Umm, Wesley?"

"Humm?"

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"No."

"Anything I can do?"

"You can go brood."

"That was a little harsh."

"What? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just irritated by the lack of solution to our Glory problem and the complicated language used in the prophecies of Aberjian isn't helping at all." Wesley glanced up apologetically and pulled out a chair next to him. "You are welcome to join me, if you'd like."

"Of course." Angel literally jumped at the invitation and seated within seconds then began to flip through centuries old books and ancient language dictionaries.

Soon, it was silence except for the occasionally rustling as the pages being turned.


	6. Chapter 6

The drive back to his apartment had been uneventful. There were no cars, no traffic and definitely no assassin sent by Wolfram and Hart like Lindsey had expected. He had sat rigid in the driver's seat for the first ten minutes of the drive with his fists balled around the steering wheel, but nothing happened.

'Guess the firm's spies lost their touch,' he mused, relieved, as he relaxed his tense jaw and let the tiniest bit of happiness creep onto his expressionless face.

It was hard not to get distracted when he was surrounded by Angel's scent, mixing with the leather and the salty air as he drove along the shoreline. The sunshine was warm on his face and the gentle breeze brushed his hair back in a way that reminded him of Angel's running his long finger through his curls during their love-making.

'No...fucking,' he corrected himself and unable to stop the frown from forming. Angel's words still hurt him, labeling the most meaningful night of his life, not counting the time when he fought alongside with the vampire, as nothing but sex.

Despite the potent urge to bury his head in his hands and let the returning tears run free, Lindsey forced his hazy mind to come up with a good excuse which would hopefully save his life and would be reasonable enough for Nathan to believe him.

Even knowing his priorities, he couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering back to Angel, who had practically begged for him to come back. The action had almost made Lindsey believe the vampire cared for him in some ways. Almost.

Angel had been distant in the morning. Well, the vampire was usually broody and aloof, but he had treated Lindsey like a stranger with the nervousness a person would give to a one-night-stand. Lindsey didn't know whether he should laugh or cry at the change in attitude from Angel.

Should he rejoice because at least Angel didn't want him dead? Though it was refreshing to see the vampire not trying to kill him or humiliate him, it wasn't anything new.

Angel had said so himself when they were on their way to the traveling agency – "I guess it's a lot to carry. I mean, losing Darla - and even me in a way, as a place to focus your rage." Lindsey had ignored the words at the time; cast them off as sarcasm and mockery. But now they had a true ring to them; maybe he had been using Angel as a target for his anger.

What else was he suppose to feel for the man who cut off his right hand when he could have just knocked him unconscious with the handle of the ax? Gratitude? Delight? Love?

Lindsey bit his tongue at the last word and blinked rapidly the moment he felt the tears threatening to break loose and commanded himself to get a grip. Losing control while entering heavy traffic was not the brightest idea, especially when he actually had something to look forward to at the end of day. The first in a long time and a lot of his firsts seemed to happen with Angel.

His first time sleeping with someone because he wanted to instead of jumping into bed with whoever was there. Lindsey wasn't sure if Angel could tell that it wasn't his first time with a man. The night with Angel had hurt a lot less than his previous dalliances. The pain was not as acute as when he was with others, soothed by Angel's almost reverent tenderness. In fact, his whole lower body was numb with pleasure.

His first foray into cuddling after sex instead of showering and getting dressed before running like hell away from the motel room, and definitely the first time when he'd felt safe enough to fall asleep without the help of medication, especially in someone else's presence.

As he stopped for a red light, Lindsey ran his hand over his face, attempting to clear up his blurry vision. A familiar smell filled his nostrils and he instantly recognized it as Angel.

Tangy and a little coppery, which Lindsey suspected the vampire must had wiped his mouth with his sleeve after his meal. He couldn't contain the smirk forming at the corner of his mouth as he imagined Angel, more than two hundred years old, doing something so childish.

Lindsey cringed when the stabbing pain at his temples intensified when the driver behind him honked loudly, bringing him out of his daze. The hangover had gotten much better after those painkillers Cordelia had given him, but it was still there, unwilling leave him alone, reminding him of the way Angel had brought him to the top then shoved him all the way down without another glance.

The mixed signals given by Angel confused Lindsey. First, Angel wanted him out of his eternal life, then he begged for him not to go this morning. What happened?

Was it some sort of mind game Angel was playing with him? If it were, then the vampire would be sorry when Lindsey found out and plotted revenge, Wolfram and Hart...

Lindsey halted at where his thoughts were going, had he been planning to return to the firm from the beginning? No, he discarded the idea immediately and decided he should just focus on driving.

He made it back to his apartment without further incident. Being cautious, he had valet parked the car at a hotel about three blocks away and walked the rest. It was better to be safe than sorry, even though he wasn't sure if he was being careful enough. Lindsey couldn't help but throw frequent glances behind his back as he walked down his hallway with an expression indicating that he was expecting a demon to jump out from the shadows.

The fact that the door to his apartment remained closed after he turned the doorknob in every direction irritated Lindsey. He wasn't the most patient person in the morning, and the hangover wasn't helping the matter one bit.

With a curse, he raised his right leg and kicked at the wood at hard as he could. It swung open a bit and it gave in after few more kicks like the previous.

Lindsey let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he slouched down in one of the smaller leather couches which was leaning against the closed apartment door as a temporary lock and security.

However, he leapt from his restful position the moment he saw the numbers on the digital clock on his microwave pointing out that it was fifteen over nine. He rushed down the hall for a quick shower with a speed that could match a vampire's.

About three minutes later, a towel-clad Lindsey emerged from the steamy bathroom. In less than five minutes, the confident new Division Head of Special Projects strode into the living room and pickup his untouched briefcase, then exited the apartment through the cracked door. He made a mental note to himself of to call a repair company as soon as he got to the office as elevator opened with a ding.

Angel had been sent to a dark corner of the office to brood after repeatedly drifting off into daydreaming while helping Wesley translate ancient text. He was thankful for the peace and quiet in his little space.

Gunn had called in about an hour ago, telling Wesley that he wouldn't be in until later that afternoon and something about his friend moving and that they needed an extra pair of muscles.

Cordelia was a completely different reason, she had went to a lunch with a potential client. Angel was sure she wouldn't be back until the sun set, seeing the mall was next to the restaurant where they lunched. Better make that thirty minutes before sunset; she wasn't that naive to walk around at night.

And that left him about... Checking his watch, it told him that it was fifteen minutes to twelve, Angel realized that left him about seven hours to enjoy the tranquil darkness.

It seemed to be longer than four hours since Lindsey left and Angel needed to think about the new situation between them. Cordelia must have been exaggerating when she told him that he begged for Lindsey to come back and that he threw a fit when the lawyer announced his decision to return to Wolfram and Hart. It must have been an overstatement on her part. There was no way he would ever lower himself, his pride and his self-respect, to plead with an evil lawyer, who was also his enemy, to come back.

"Impossible." Angel nodded sternly as he spoke the word aloud, earning him an odd look from Wesley.

Angel began to question his conclusion five minutes later. His mind simply refused to let the matter go.

It was understandable that Cordelia's mouth had dropped open; she was always dramatic about smallest details in life, but even Gunn and Wesley? Unwillingly, almost afraid to hear the answer, he turned to Wesley and asked, "Was I begging for Lindsey to stay?"

"Yes," without lifting his head, Wesley answered the affirmative. As if he hadn't already done enough damage to Angel's ego, the ex-watcher paused momentarily in his task to add, "desperately."

This time, Angel felt his jaw fall open at the reply and snapped it shut so hard that he was sure he had dislocated it. "I wasn't begging. I just hated to see my efforts go to waste." But the only response he got was an irritated wave of hand from Wesley and a shushing sound.

"I'll be upstairs if you need me." As Angel turned to leave the room, he heard something that sounded distinctly like a whispered "Thank God" from Wesley, but he ignored it as he climbed the stairs.

What he should do now was get some rest and restore his strength for the battle he knew would soon arrive.

As Angel let himself fall face first into the soft pillows, he was surrounded with thick aroma of sex and angst. He felt his unbeating heart skip a beat, which was impossible, as his cheek made contact with the tearstains left on the midnight blue pillowcase.

Why was he feeling this way? Did he really care about Lindsey in some way other than saving a lost soul? No, it couldn't be. Like he said before, it was impossible.

'Then why were you begging for him to stay instead of going back to Wolfram and Hart?' Angel lifted up the corners of the pillow and covered his ears with them. He didn't need that voice right now. However, it seemed determined to continue until the vampire had come up with a reason for his behaviors.

"Look, I just did it because I didn't want to lose another innocent, another soul I could have saved. End of story, now let me go to sleep." Angel lowered his voice when he realized that he was bellowing out the words.

It was strange how he had to say it out loud, as if he needed to convince himself as well as the damned voice in his head, which had gone silent before the sentence ended. "Impossible," he muttered again as he shifted to a more comfortable position.

"Just upset because I felt like..." Yawn, "my efforts were useless." Satisfied with his own explanations for his actions, Angel closed his eyes and fell into the welcoming arms of sleep.

Lindsey wasn't surprised to find a message left for him at the front desk with instruction to his new office on the eleventh floor with his name on the door.

However, he was puzzled to find Nathan sitting in the chair behind the massive oak desk. He hadn't expected to see his boss in his office during the meeting, which had started almost ten minutes ago.

Lindsey cursed the morning traffic as he put on his sincerest expression and bowed his head slightly before speaking, "Sir."

"Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. What am I to do with you?"

Lindsey didn't reply, knowing it was a rhetorical question. He was right when Nathan continued.

"Late on your first day as the new executive, not a good impression."

"I'm sorry sir, but the traffic was..." he began to explain while his mind ran through all the pros and cons of revealing his encounter with Angel last night.

Nathan raised a finger, signaling his employee to remain silent. "When we at Wolfram and Hart make a mistake, what do we do?" He didn't bother to give Lindsey some time to rethink his question. "We fix it, we don't make excuses."

"I understand, sir." The younger man nodded meekly with his eyes cast to the floor.

"You seem a little distracted, I would hate to think I made a mistake promoting you, Lindsey." Nathan studied Lindsey carefully, something wasn't in place, but he couldn't pinpoint the difference in the lawyer.

Lindsey almost laughed at Nathan's poor attempt of sounding disappointed, but he managed to control his mirth by simply lowering his head until he could almost touch his chest with his chin to hide the slight upturn of his lips.

'Holland was so much better at it,' he mused as his boss gave him a forced smile that was meant to be genuine. "I'm sorry, sir, I was having a little celebration last night and..."

"Ah, I see. Well, it's always a good thing to have fun in life, just don't lose you head in the process."

The lawyer tensed at the obvious threat and raised his chin to look his boss directly in the eye. "I won't, sir."

"Good, now as you know, everyone has to follow the rules of the firm." Nathan stood up and strolled toward the door with something in each step that Lindsey classified as arrogance, the type that a person could only have when they held another human being's life in the palm of their hand.

'Not for long," Lindsey thought as he put on another blinding smile, disguising his disgust toward his new boss.

"When it was apparent you weren't going to make it on time, I rescheduled the meeting for tomorrow morning. Why don't you use the time to come up with a new plan for your department? Say, a plan for our good friend, Angel?" And with that, Nathan left as soundlessly as he came.

Lindsey understood the meaning behind his boss' words – screw up again and you will lose your head, permanently. Judging by his experience at the firm, Lindsey knew what they did to the failures. He had seen it about two nights ago, at the traveling agency.

He was sure there would be more like Brad, people who weren't lucky enough to be moved to the top of the chains of power at Wolfram and Hart and were left to be devoured by others. He sure as hell wasn't going to become one of them. He needed to get out, now.

Then why had he taken the promotion if he wanted nothing to do with the firm? Did he do it out of some form of appreciation for the firm who had given him his lost hand back? Did he do it out of fear for his life? Did he do it because he wanted to see Lilah lose?

All of those reasons sounded invalid. Lindsey didn't have any gratitude toward Wolfram and Hart for restoring his hand since they were the ones who caused him to lose it in the first place.

Lindsey knew he could have gotten away and disappeared without a trace if he really wanted to. He had made some friends and there were demons who owed him and it would be the time to collect the debts.

He couldn't have cared less about whether Lilah died or not, she was nothing but another minion just like him. Even though he knew it wasn't the correct attitude to have toward his former co-worker, but what else could he feel for someone who had stabbed him in the back constantly and repeatedly?

'Nothing last forever,' he had told her that the morning Nathan announced the evaluation for their department. Lindsey was sure that Nathan already had the person he wanted to keep in mind and the little competition was just for entertainment. "Sick bastard," he grumbled as he sat down in the firm leather chair.

The phrase Angel had spoken during the ride to the agency rang in his ears, "Seems like the more you get, the less you have." And wasn't that the truth!

Those ten words perfectly described him and his current position. He had everything substantial a man could ever dream of: a nice car, a nice bachelor pad, good job, a more than decent salary with ungodly benefits. But at the same time, he lacked all emotional ties: a family of his own, someone to love him, someone to come home to. He didn't even have a pet for crying out loud!

But now all that was going to change. Lindsey McDonald was born again, according to Cordelia. He knew he had seen the right path leading toward the light at least twice, but both times he had passed on it.

True, he had taken a tentative step during the Brewer case, only to quickly withdraw his foot the minute he felt it was too hard and required too much effort. It was always easier just to kick back and let others make the final decision.

"You have to make a decision to change, that's something you do by yourself." Angel's voice rang in his ears, and Lindsey knew what he had to do now.

He wasn't going to quit before he began. He was going to change, not because of Angel, not because of his most-likely-will-be unrequited love but only because he had made a decision for the better and for a brighter future.

Angel wasn't everything in his world, as much as he felt like the vampire was, Lindsey couldn't base his choice on something unstable. He was doing this for himself, and no one else.

Lindsey would start his new life by finding out who was the woman who shared so much resemblance with Darla. He logged onto Nathan's account with ease that he could only attribute to having both hands and the fact that Nathan hadn't changed his password. Soon, he was scanning the text on the screen before him in deep concentration.

It wasn't until three hours later when Lindsey rubbed a tired hand over his exhausted eyes and slumped back with a sigh. He had read everything he could get his hands on Alicia Dovane, and every file he could dig up on Montgomery Hospital, the setting of the video.

The name Montgomery wasn't unfamiliar to the attorney. The family had been one of Wolfram and Hart's best clients and had donated to charity, something the firm had suggested in order to make a good public appearance.

All seemed normal: a big, wealthy family with a few problems which couldn't be solve in any ways other than murder. They were also Tayikan demons, which was nothing new to him either.

What had frustrated Lindsey was the fact that the only information he gathered on the young woman was her name and that she was filed under 'solved obstacle' with no further details.

The young lawyer exhaled heavily and placed a blank disk into the computer and copied the data he had downloaded along with the rest of the information. As soon as the task was finished, Lindsey inserted another and began to transfer all the case files stored in his hard-drive. He leaned back in contentment as he watched the hourglass being flipped over and the blue bar showing him what percentage of data was copied.

In less than twenty minutes, his briefcase was filled with data that would later serve as ammunition. Before he logged off, Lindsey opened the bottom drawer and took out a black floppy disk. He carefully pushed it into the drive and opened it on his desktop. Lindsey grinned smugly as a group of tiny werewolves filled the screen and began to chew away the files. It was a virus that one of his college buddies had designed during their freshman year, it was meant to be use as a way to delay finals but he had died of a car crash before he could spread the virus. It was the most destructive one Lindsey had seen yet. The virus would eat away all information on the hard drive and the data on any disks they insert.

It would take Wolfram and Hart's technician at least a week to recover all the lost files, giving him enough time to escape and withdraw money from his bank account without being noticed.

Lindsey was whistling as he walked into the employee parking lot and pulled out into the bright afternoon sunshine in one of the clerk's car without any interference. His car-jacking skills might been a little rusty, but it worked.

Lindsey had told his secretary that he was out for a late lunch and the lame excuse actually won a sympathetic glance from her. He would feel guilty for lying to her if he hadn't known she was a Balthic demon, a clan of enlarged imps with x-ray vision, sent to spy on him. He was sure she would report back to Mr. Reed about his departure but also inform that he appeared to be working hard.

Appeared to be. And he was working hard, to destroy Wolfram and Hart. He chuckled lightly as he imagined the shocked look on Nathan's face when he realized important files were stolen and there was no way of tracking down who took them.

Lindsey stopped by six ATMs on his way back to his apartment; he had taken out as much cash as he could from each one. When he stepped into his living room forty-five minutes later, he was a hundred thousand and some odd dollars richer.

He had left the car he stolen on the corner with the engine on and keys inserted then called a cab back to his apartment on his cell phone. The car would be gone in less than an hour, considering where he left it.

Glancing at the clock, Lindsey had about an hour to pack his clothing, which could be accomplished in twenty-five minutes at most. All he needed was couple pairs of jeans and slacks, some comfortable shirts, boxers and personal items, mainly his guitar.

He was pretty sure that he didn't need the suits anymore, but he stuffed one into the bag just in case of future need, if Angel would need any legal defense. As soon as Lindsey closed the lid and zipped it up, he grabbed the pair of pants, a long-sleeve polo and a clean set of underwear he had lay out earlier then headed to his bathroom. He needed the scalding water to cleanse himself of the revolting odor of the office.

About five minutes till five, Lindsey McDonald was showered, packed and on his way to Angel's Investigation in the owner's car with a duffel bag full of a hundred dollar bills, his guitar case, his laptop and a worn out suitcase.

Angel was not a happy vampire when he was wrenched away from the blissful darkness by Cordelia's sharp scream. Concern quickly replaced anger when his groggy mind registered the sound and his body raced down to the lobby.

He felt his eyes bulge when he took in the scene.

Cordelia's head and shoulders were trapped in the base section of a file cabinet with her denim-clad butt sticking up in air and Gunn was trying to help her by pulling on her waist. Wesley was completely unaware of the situation for he was engrossed in the pile of books and scrolls on the far desk.

And Angel couldn't help but laugh at the sight until he crouched over in spasms. When he lifted his head, he was the target of some extremely foul language from a very angry Cordelia.

"What happened?" he asked as innocently as he could.

"Dunno, she was like this when I walked in." Gunn shrugged.

"All I heard was a scream for help, then Gunn came in and said he'd take care of it," Wesley said when he was met with Angel's questioning eyes.

"Help!" The metal walls muffled the request but the desperation was loud and clear.

With a sigh and a smirk, Angel reached over and pulled on the two sides of the barriers until they widened. Cordelia let out a squeal of delight when she carefully backed out of her trap.

"Care to explain?" Wesley didn't bother to hide his amusement.

"I was trying to get my bracelet that had fell behind it," she pointed to the container and the space from the cabinet to the wall and waved her wrist to show that she had retrieved the piece of jewelry, "and rest is apparently public knowledge."

Before Gunn could make any comments, the sound of door opening attracted their attention. Angel couldn't help by smile brightly when a casually dressed Lindsey walked in the door with a bag and a case on his back and a suitcase and laptop in hand.

The crew of Angel Investigation gathered in the lobby while Lindsey was upstairs and unpacking. It caused quite a commotion to see the lawyer return.

"Did you find out anything on Glory or the premonition?" Angel interrupted before an argument could break out.

"Nothing, there was some mention of Glory in the scrolls, but I didn't get to finish thanks to a certain individual." He nodded toward Cordelia. "And nothing on the vision either."

"We are screwed," Gunn stated matter-of-factly.

"No we are not, there's still one way," Angel said determinedly. "Caritas."

As soon as the name of the club left Angel's mouth, Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley all turned away and busied themselves with different jobs, avoiding eye contact with Angel.

No one noticed Lindsey, who was observing quietly from the staircase with a grin on his face; it was so obvious that they were afraid of Angel's singing.

"I think I'll stay here and try to more information from picture you drew." Wesley held up the paper from Cordelia's latest vision, containing nothing but a few lines that formed an abstract picture. "And I could use a hand."

"I'll do it," Gunn volunteered before Cordelia could. "Guess you'll have to go with Angel." He smiled broadly.

"Why me? Lindsey can go with Angel!" Cordelia whined and pointed at Lindsey when she saw him in her peripheral vision, "Why do I have to suffer?" She ignored the wounded look on Angel's face.

"Because we need someone to keep an eye on those two in case they try to kill each other. And you are the one with the best people skills," Wesley reasoned; doing his best to stifled the laughter bubbling inside of him.

"Let's go, Cordy!" Angel said cheerfully as he grabbed his car keys and signaled Lindsey to follow them.

"I must have done something really terrible in my past life." Cordelia murmured and gave the two men remaining in the lobby her best puppy look, hoping to change their minds, but they just waved happily back to her. She stomped out the door muttering something about karma.


	7. Chapter 7

From the moment they stepped into Caritas, Angel only had one thing on his mind – if the Host touched Lindsey again, he would regret it, dearly.

The green demon had first greeted the lawyer with a hug that included running his hand up and down Lindsey's firm back, and then he wrapped his arms around Lindsey's shoulder as he led them to a table. Not to mention the constant pet names and flirting glances as the Host squeezed himself in next to Lindsey and was, in Angel's opinion, pestering him for a song.

"He's not singing tonight, I am," Angel snapped and turned his face to the opposite direction when Cordelia gave him a questioning look.

Shrugging off the confusion, Cordelia grumbled, "I was dreading that this would happen."

Ever since Angel's position had changed from boss to employee, the rest of the gang had been more open about what they thought of his singing. She knew Angel was a little angry at their opinions, but she didn't think he would be acting like this. Then again, Angel had been behaving strange lately, especially this morning. 'Maybe it's vampire PMS,' she mused with a smirk.

The sudden tension was broken when the waiter approached, Angel had given the young man a strained but polite 'no, thank you' while Cordelia ordered her drink.

The Host simply said 'the usual' for Lindsey, which drove Angel's frustration to a new height. He could almost hear his teeth grinding as he told himself to calm down.

"Angelcakes, relax!" Lorne laughed as he stood up and mentioned for Angel to follow him.

The vampire was puzzled, but complied nonetheless. "What?" he barked as they slid into a corner booth. The smug grin on Lorne's face was not helping his mood much.

"Hum," the Host simply replied.

It took a moment for the meaning of that single word in register in his mind, bewilderment followed. "Shouldn't I be singing?" He eyed the stage, where a demon with four horns and purple fur were bellowing out the lyrics.

"Do you really want to sing on stage?" Lorne smiled when he saw Angel shake his head, "Now hum."

After muttering a frustrated 'fine', Angel did as he was told.

"Well?" he asked when he was finished with his little tune, sounding clearly irritated.

"You are so much better at humming! Ever think about going into the harmonizing business?"

"No." Angel glared.

"Fine, fine. Some people have no sense of humor." The Host mumbled then turned serious. "I can't help you on the Glory subject, since I've never heard of her, but..." He paused dramatically and waved at Lindsey, who returned the gesture with a bright smile and Angel had a sudden urge to punch the shameless demon in the face.

"Spit it out!" Angel shifted in his seat, hoping to block Lindsey from The Host's sight, and tightened his hands into fists to stop any violence they might produce, not that he wouldn't be happy to do it.

"We really need to talk about that jealousy issue!"

"What jealousy issue? You mean, me and him?" He pointed to Lindsey's direction, who was taking a sip of a light blue drink and chatting with Cordelia.

Angel's jaw hit the table when the Host nodded in affirmative.

"You are not as dense as I thought you were." Lorne looked contemplative. "Who are you and what did you do to the real Angel?"

"There's nothing, absolutely nothing between me and Lindsey McDonald." The last comment completely flew over Angel's head since he was so focused on denying the first one. Feeling the need to stress his point further, he added, "Nothing!"

"Right, and I'm nominated for a Grammy," The Host looked thoughtful for a moment, "actually, it is possible. Maybe if I joined a band and told the press the skin and horns are just costume. What do you think?" He looked up hopefully with a sparkle of amusement in his red eyes when Angel almost went over the edge at his off-topic comment.

"That you are insane!" he roared, not caring if he was drawing any attention.

"We all are, darling."

"There's nothing, I repeat, nothing, between me and him."

"I heard you the first time, hon."

"Good, because there is nothing between me and him."

"Listen, I'm just telling you what I sense, and right now I'm sensing a whole lot of jealousy in your aura, and anger..." the Host closed his eyes, feigning pain, "toward me."

"What?" Angel was thankful for the fact that he was dead, because blushing was not something he wanted to be doing at this moment. "You're wrong."

"Denial." Lorne smirked.

"I'm not in denial!"

"Of course you're not. You're in L.A., not Egypt."

"Huh?"

"You really aren't the brightest vampire out there, are you?"

"Hey!" Angel cried out in protest, as he was now the focus of many sympathetic looks.

"Anyway, we need to talking about what happened last night." The Host swiftly changed the subject, not caring if it were obvious.

"Nothing happened." The reply came too quickly.

"It's gotta be something if it's the only thing on your mind. It's even worse than your Darla-obsession, which I am glad to see has passed."

"Last night was nothing, just something I want to forget," Angel muttered. He needed to forget the heat surrounded him with he was inside Lindsey and the tingly sensation the lawyer had been able to put in the pit of his stomach. After all, it was only a one-time thing, right?

"Sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about," Lorne said, amused that Angel was fidgeting with nervousness.

"I kinda...Lindsey" The middle part of the sentence was mumbled.

"Okay, and what's the...?" The Host imitated the unintelligible sound Angel had formed earlier.

"I made lo... I meant, I slept with him." He bit his tongue for the slip-up.

"Right..." Lorne replied with heavy sarcasm. "Here's a little something: when a love dies, it's remembered, but another love will find you again and need you the most. It's all a big cycle, Angelcakes."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"You'll figure it out soon enough, and as for Glory, the person you love holds all you need to know."

"I thought you said you don't know a thing about Glory."

"Exactly, I said 'I' don't." Lorne grinned as he got up from his seat and headed back to the table.

Shaking his head in exasperation, Angel returned to his friends.

As soon as Angel left with the Host, uneasiness and tension fell over the remaining two people.

"So..." Cordelia started, stealing a glance at the silent attorney.

They had been quiet after ordering their drinks and making small talk. She couldn't stand silence, because to her, silence equaled bad and from her experience at Sunnydale, she had plenty serious events to back that theory up.

"So?" Lindsey replied, raising his glass and bringing it to his mouth. He swallowed the dry lump in his throat along with his drink; he could sense how uncomfortable Cordelia was. "How are the vision hangovers?"

"Worse, but..." she trailed off, "How did you know about that?"

"I..."

"Never mind, Wolfram and Hart."

"Yeah... you were saying?" Lindsey gestured with his hand to tell her to finish whatever she was going to say before Wolfram and Hart was brought up.

"But I'll live," she simply said, and the carelessness on her face worried the lawyer. As if sensing his concern, she added, "There's nothing you can do about it anyway."

"Yeah..." Feeling the need to change to a more comfortable subject, he asked, "Is Angel going to sing?"

"God, I hope not!" She cleared her throat in embarrassment for her outburst, "I meant, we can't afford to lose any more time. Innocents need to be saved!"

Lindsey just stared at Cordelia in amusement and watched her turned to a dark shade of crimson. "I agree."

"So, are you gonna sing?"

"Don't think so, like you said, innocents waiting to be rescued!" Lindsey did a pretty good impression of her.

"Ha ha! Very not funny," she picked up her glass and took a small sip.

"Sorry," Lindsey blurted out then kicked himself when Cordelia nearly spit out her drink.

"Don't worry about it! I was just kidding."

"I meant sorry for what I did in the past."

Of all things Lindsey would have said, that was not on Cordelia's list, especially after the conversation they had. She let her mouth fell open in a very unladylike fashion and sputtered, "Excuse me?"

"You know, the whole 'drive you insane' thing."

"Oh that," Cordelia winced as she remembered the torturous pain, "you already apologized this morning." She tried to act indifferent to the man next to her, she had already forgiven him, but it was hard for her to say it.

"But you never told me how you felt about it." Even though he wasn't an attorney anymore, Lindsey still had his interrogating skills.

"Listen," Cordelia locked gaze with him, wanting to make her point clear, "I do not appreciate what you did to me, or to Wesley, and definitely not to Angel. But it's also what you did that made me forgive you."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, I realized that there are innocent people in pain all over the world, and as much as I hate to admit it then, you are one of them. Everyone deserves a second chance at redemption and everyone's soul is worth saving."

Lindsey could tell that Cordelia had spent a lot of time thinking about their new situation, and he was glad that she was able to forgive him for all the horrible things he'd done. She really was a different person than the one he had seen on one of the screens in Russell Winter's home.

"Thanks," he whispered, "I probably don't deserve it, but thanks again."

"Hello? Are you deaf?" Cordelia made a movement with her hand that substitute for 'duh!' "I just said everyone deserves a second chance."

"But I kinda screwed up my second..." Lindsey looked down shamefully, "and third."

"Well, then we'll just have to make it harder for you." Lindsey missed the mischievous gleam in her eyes since his was cast to the table. "Shopping!"

His head snapped up in surprise so abruptly that Lindsey was sure he had damaged his neck. "What?"

"Take me shopping and all will be forgotten! Maybe not all, but some will be."

"Deal." A grin spilt across Lindsey's face as he clanged glasses with Cordelia.

"Deal for what?" Angel's sudden appearance made Lindsey choke on his drink.

"You okay? Honey?" Lorne soothed as he patted Lindsey on the back, but stopped when he felt Angel's icy glare digging into his back like daggers.

"I'll be fine, just gimme a minute." Lindsey coughed a few times before he could speak again. "How did it go?" His voice was slightly raspy.

"Oh, the usual. He bullied me," the Host replied in a joking tone.

"And he gave me some abstract answers," Angel shrugged good-humoredly. "Let's go, we've got work to do."

Angel was halfway to the door when the Host called out, "One more thing, Angelcakes, I'm very happy with David." He nodded toward the bartender.

"What?" Cordelia asked that as her former boss dragged her out the door. A very bewildered Lindsey followed.

"Would you stop acting like a jealous husband already?" She complained as she got into the passenger seat while Lindsey jumped in the back and Angel took the wheels.

"What?" Angel asked.

"You've been acting like a jealous husband ever since we entered Caritas! What are you jealous about anyway? Lindsey and the Host?" Cordelia laughed at the absurdity of her words.

The two men both tensed at the comment; Angel glanced quickly at Lindsey then focused back on the road while Lindsey maintained a steady gaze on Angel.

"That's ridiculous!" Angel replied, carefully not letting his own emotions seep into his words. He wasn't jealous, and he had no reason to be. "Ridiculous," he repeated under his breath.

"Yeah, ridiculous." Lindsey said, but he couldn't help but feeling a slight hint of disappointment and hurt at the vampire's casualness on the topic.

Cordelia studied the two men in interest; something was definitely going on between them. And she would find out what it was if it was the last thing she did.

They rode back to the Hyperion in silence; each lost in their own thoughts.

"Anything?" Gunn asked with a sigh as he carelessly slid another one of Wesley's books across the table to the other end.

"Afraid not, you?" He replied, keeping his eyes on the page before him while jotting down translations onto his notepad.

"Nothing, and Cordy's picture isn't all that helpful. Wait, I think I'm onto something."

"Perfect," Wesley mumbled as he copied another sentence down.

"What?"

"Oh, I was talking to myself," Wesley glanced up apologetically, then returned his gaze back to the text before him. "I'm worried about Cordelia, the hangovers are getting stronger and stronger. I'm not sure how much more her body can take."

"Yeah... I hear you on that. Maybe she needs to relax, you know?"

"It's a little hard to relax in a situation like this."

"Agree." Gunn opened another book.

"Agree to what?" They both jumped at the sound of Cordelia's voice.

"Agree that this is the item in your vision." Wesley recovered nicely; they both knew how Cordelia didn't like talking about the vision hangovers. They knew she didn't want to worry them, but the less she talked about it, the more they worry.

"Where is it?" She asked as she set down her purse.

Gunn pointed to the opened book on the desk as Lindsey, Angel and Cordelia crowded around.

"That's it." She the read the passage aloud, "The mark of Kaeirk, a demon who feeds on lies, discord and violence. In return, it would grant its followers power, wealth, protection and wit. It can only be killed when it is in mortal form."

"How does it get into a human form?" Lindsey inquired, and was glad when they didn't seem uncomfortable that he was acting like a part of the team.

"From its followers, who would have to perform a ritual to obtain a part of Kaeirk into themselves and Kaeirk can use their bodies as a host or as a mean of transportation, thus becomes the key link to Kaeirk. The followers would have to form minions from their own blood, once it is done; there would be no way to reverse it. If the link dies, so do the ones who he cast the spell upon."

"Sounds complicated," Angel said, earning an odd look from his friends for his comment. "What? It is!"

"I agree, but we have a bigger worry right now – Glory," Wesley frowned at the mention of the Hellgod's name.

"Hey, the PTB sent me a vision about this Kaeirk demon, so I think it should be our priority!" Cordelia protested as she placed herself carefully on the edge of her desk.

"If the world ends, we won't have to worry about Kaeirk, and it is ending soon. We are running out of time." Wesley explained as he eyed the clock. "We have about two and half hours."

"Shit!" Gunn muttered.

"Shit is correct." Lindsey said under his breath.

"Wesley, what did Giles tell you?" Angel asked.

"She's a hellgod who was banished from her world, and the only way to get back is to open a portal that will eventually blend all different dimensions into one. To open it, she'll need the key, who happens to be Dawn."

"Dawn is not a key, she's a person! I've known her since I met Buffy!" Cordelia objected.

"I'll fill you in later." Angel replied.

After Cordelia reluctantly nodded, Wesley continued, "And they found out that as long as Dawn's blood flows, the portal remains open, so it's only way to stop Glory is to protect Dawn, or to..." He stopped, knowing some words would be understood without being spoken.

"Can we kill her?" Lindsey suggested. "I meant Glory," he added when Gunn cast him a dirty look.

"Only in her human form, she is a prisoner in a human's body," Wesley then explained the situation with Ben and Glory.

"What is it with all demons being human?" Cordelia muttered in frustration as she rubbed her temples.

"What does the prophecies of Aberjian say about this?" Angel nodded to the spread out scrolls on the far desk.

"I could only translate bits and pieces, my books aren't all that equipped I'm afraid."

"What you need is a more detailed library," Lindsey mused, "like Wolfram and Hart."

"Great idea, but can we talk about something that's actually doable?" Cordelia retorted.

"It is, as soon as I go upstairs and grab my suitcase." Lindsey smiled at the shocked looks on everyone's face, "What? You didn't think I'd leave without a little going away gift from them, do you?"

"What files did you take? Are you sure they are useful?" Wesley's face held a look mixed between doubt and delight.

"Everything, and one of them is bound to be helpful." Once again, Lindsey chuckled at the stunned looks. "Be right back."

As Lindsey raced to retrieve the disks, Cordelia started her computer while Angel sat down across from Wesley to help translate the prophecies. Gunn plopped himself down on the couch with an armful of books to search for more information on the blood ritual of Kaeirk.

"This could take years!" Cordelia complained as she ejected the disk and inserted another.

"Sorry," Lindsey apologized as he scanned through the data on the screen before him. He was thankful that he had brought his laptop along, since there was only one computer at Angel Investigations.

"Not your fault, and stop being so guilt-driven, that's Angel's job," She smirked and opened another document.

"Funny," Angel glanced up from the pile of books and scrolls then headed back to work.

"See? He's developing a sense of humor," Cordelia whispered and got a low chuckle from Lindsey. "How long have we been staring at the monitor anyway? It can't be good for my eyes." She rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"Let's see," Lindsey glanced at the clock and froze when he saw that an hour had gone by.

"I found something," Wesley waved his hand frantically, indicating them to gather around.

"What is it?"

"Right here," he pointed the one of the sentences in the prophecies of Aberjian, "it states that the exiled hellgod would be killed by one who was sent to assist the chosen one."

"Giles?" Angel said incredulously, "What about the portal?"

"It will not be closed until Buffy has given up her life." Lindsey told them, and indicated his laptop with a nod of his head, "Wolfram and Hart has a whole file on her and predictions of her future."

"Buffy..." The name escaped Angel's lips before he could prevent it, and he couldn't stop the pain and fear from seeping into his tone either.

"I'm sure the prophecies could be wrong, after all, you did chop off my hand." Lindsey comforted while fighting the urge to smooth the lines on Angel's forehead, or kiss them away. He mentally kicked himself for thinking about it at a time like this, but he couldn't help it.

"Yeah! Only you can change the future...or something like that." Cordelia added a little sheepishly. Recovering quickly, she continued, "Come on! Research, I'm sure we can find some ways to save the world without Buffy dying!"

As though woken from a deep sleep, the crew resumed their former position with a slow, sluggish look on their faces, as if they knew it was hopeless to prevent what was foretold.

The event with Lindsey proves nothing, since he wasn't trying to follow the prophecies, rather, was working against it. Yet they remained silent, no one wanting to be the first to voice it aloud, afraid to hear it and fearing it would become true once they heard it.

So they carried on with their duties in a painful and heavy quietness, the only sound the shuffling of pages and the small, clicking of the keyboard.

The ticking of the clock grew louder and louder as seconds passed. The alarm clock went off when two hours had passed couple minutes ago and no solution was found. Even if they did find something, it would be too late. Giles had called and informed them that they were leaving to stop Glory almost half-an-hour ago.

Angel's pale face had gone to an unhealthy white while he spoke to the watcher. Giles had left his cell phone number in case if they came up with something helpful. The conversation ended when Buffy called for her watcher in the background.

The dial tone rang in Angel's ears until he finally set the receiver down then switched on the answering machine to pick up immediately and turned down the volume. He stared at the piece of paper with the phone numbers on it for a few seconds before returning to his friends and dove back into the sea of books with a look of determination on his face, the others did the same.

Lindsey smiled encouragingly and squeezed Angel's cool hand as the vampire slid in next to him, but the gesture wasn't returned since Angel was still partially in a daze of the news.

"I don't understand why we are doing this! They are already gone, there is no way we'll get to Sunnydale in time and if we found a solution to this, how are we going to tell them?" Cordelia blurted out.

"Giles has a cell phone." Angel answered without lifting his head from the ancient pages; he kept his voice even and calm, even though he wasn't sure if anyone would answer the phone during the fight.

"At least we'll know we tried." Gunn added.

"I'll get more disks," Lindsey said to no one in particular as he strolled upstairs.

"Angel." Wesley whispered.

"What?"

"How do we know this isn't a setup? That he's leading us to the wrong direction?" He pulled another book out of the pile.

"It isn't a trap, what good will it be for him if the world ends?" Angel asked it as if it should be as obvious as one plus one equals two.

"I know that, but what if..."

"Stop with the what if, it won't do us any good right now."

"But..."

Wesley was interrupted by a clamorous thud coming from the staircase, the clattering of disks and a low sound of pain.

"Lindsey!" Angel jumped at the first sound and raced the stairs.

Lindsey had pulled the last case of disks from his traveling case and was ready to go back down to the lobby when a wave of dizziness washed over him. He leaned against the doorframe and the wall for support as he slowly moved toward the staircase. It wasn't until he was halfway down the steps when he realized that he wasn't going to make it.

The mild nausea had become severe ache and images flashed before his eyes like a slide show mixed with bright lights. His fingers slipped as he attempted to ease the pain by rubbing his forehead and temples. Lindsey groan as his headache intensified then he heard Angel's voice.

Angel was sure that his still heart skipped a beat as he took in the sight before him, Lindsey wobbly stood halfway down the stairs with his head in his hands. With another moan, Lindsey lost his balance and stumbled down the hardwood steps.

The vampire couldn't do anything except to watch the scene unfold before him. His vampire strength and agility could have allowed him to catch the fallen lawyer in time, but every cell in his body was frozen, in fear.

Lindsey's limp body rolled and a sickening pop came when his shoulder hit the floor at an odd angle as his fall came to a stop.

Before Angel could help him, Lindsey went into a seizure-like state.

Angel gathered the lawyer in his arms and mumble words of encouragement, like 'hang on' and 'you'll be fine'.

The light in Angel's eyes dimmed when Lindsey suddenly stopped all movement at once, and his body lay lifelessly in his embrace.

"Lindsey?" Not getting a response, Angel tried again, raising his voice a bit, "Lindsey? Can you hear me?"

Silence was his answer.

"What happened?" Cordelia whispered to Wesley, confusion and worry filled her eyes.

"I don't know, but..." He was cut off when a violent earthquake occurred.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me. Please..." The last word was drawn out as a wail as Angel clenched Lindsey in his arms, "please..."

Gunn, Wesley and Cordelia could only stare at the two men at the bottom of the staircase in shock while gripping each other's arms to keep their balance.


	8. Chapter 8

"Angel?" Cordelia approached the motionless vampire carefully. Angel had gone still almost as soon as the sudden quake was over; all that could be heard from him was mumbling mixed with a few sobs.

"Cordy?"

Encouraged by the call of her name, she took another step closer, "Are you okay?"

"He's not dead, is he?" Angel asked faintly, almost as if he was afraid of the answer, his eyes never left Lindsey's face.

"I can check," she made a move to grab Lindsey's limp wrist, but stopped when Angel growled lightly and held on to Lindsey tighter.

"Don't touch him."

"Okay, I won't, but I don't know if he's alive or not... maybe you can put your ear on his chest and try to hear his heartbeat." She signaled Wesley and Gunn to come closer while Angel leaned in and pressed his face against Lindsey's chest.

"I can hear it... Thump, thump..." He let out a relieved sigh when he heard the steady rhythm of the heart. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. "I thought it wasn't real… Can you hear it too?" He looked up at Cordelia.

"Umm, sure," she nodded uncertainly.

The sudden light appeared in Angel's eyes were almost blinding. The affirmative answer Cordelia gave seemed to make the nervous vampire relax. "Good, I thought I was imagining it because I wanted him to live… You won't lie to me, right?"

"I'll never lie to you." Cordelia said numbly, in shock of the helplessness in Angel's voice.

"Angel?" Wesley started, "I understand this is a crucial moment, but..."

"He'll be okay, right?" Angel turned his gaze onto his friend; chocolate browns filled with worry and hope.

"Yeah, he will be, but you gotta let go of him first, you are crushing him to death and hurting his shoulder!" Gunn told Angel as he tried to pry his arms open.

"No!" Angel exclaimed as he batted Gunn's hand away, then he examined Lindsey's left shoulder and noticed the unnatural slackness of it, even if Lindsey was unconscious. "What should I do?" His voice returned to frantic.

"He needs rest, and you need to calm down! And we need to figure out what that quake was." Wesley rationalized.

It took the combined power of Gunn's strength, Wesley's sound reasoning and Cordelia's persuasion to make Angel loosen his grip on the unconscious lawyer. Gunn popped Lindsey's dislocated shoulder back in place while Angel looked on with worry. Cordelia and Wesley were busy researching and trying to get a hold of the people in Sunnydale.

When Lindsey came to, he was tucked tightly into Angel's bed, but the owner was nowhere to be found.

Slowly, he dragged himself up and leaned back against the headboard. The curtains blocked the sunshine from entering the dark room, but a few rays managed to escape through the cracks.

He raised his right hand to rub his head gently, trying to recall what had happened. He was walking down the steps with the disks when his sight had blurred, stolen memories rushing back into his mind.

"Alicia!" Lindsey cried out as he struggled to get out of bed, shouting a loud curse when he tripped over the covers in his haste. He landed on flat on his face with a thud.

"Lindsey!"

Lindsey looked up and was greeted by a concerned Cordelia.

"Alicia!" he repeated the name of his fiancee as if in a daze, the images that had flashed before he lost consciousness were beginning to blend in with the events he saw on the videotape yesterday and the questions Angel had asked him in the morning. "What happened?"

His answer was a stern glare from Cordelia that clearly stated 'get back in bed'; before he had time to tell her otherwise, strong arms circled around his waist and lifted him up from the tangled blanket and the cold floor.

"You should be resting," Angel told the stunned attorney as he hooked one arm underneath Lindsey's knees and one supporting his back.

"But..."

"Rest." Angel deposited him back into the bed with his back to the prophet, so Cordelia missed the momentary tender smile from Angel.

"You don't understand! Alicia is..." Lindsey closed his mouth temporarily as he rose up so Angel could rearrange the pillows behind his head after he picked up the entangled comforter and draped it over Lindsey.

"Gone," Angel finished for him as he sat down next to Lindsey and took a hold of his hand into his own. "I'm sorry."

"It seems so unreal," Lindsey wrapped his fingers around the cool hand. "I had completely forgotten her..."

"It's not your fault..."

"I know it's not, but I can't help it! I worked for the people who killed the woman I love!"

Angel did his best not to wince when Lindsey stated his love for Alicia and not to scowl at the mention of Wolfram and Hart, "How are you feeling?" He changed the subject rather clumsily, but he hoped Lindsey won't notice.

"Okay, my head still hurts."

"It's suppose to," Angel explained when he was met with Lindsey's questioning glance. "Glory had taken out..."

"Stolen is more like it," Lindsey huffed at Angel's choice of word.

"Stolen your memory, she did it selectively, and when she died, the memories returned to you. But it was so long ago, they had to force their way back."

"Oh, lucky me."

"Yes, lucky you, you could have died from the fall," Angel's eyes shined with concern and relief, "you walked away with only a dislocated shoulder."

"I didn't feel anything."

"You wouldn't, you were out for over twelve hours." Angel couldn't help but reach out and smooth Lindsey's disarrayed hair.

"What time is it?"

"Almost eleven," Cordelia, who was forgotten up to this point, answered.

"Let's get back to work." Angel said as he stood up.

"Feel better." Cordelia waved before she left the room.

"You rest now." Angel was almost to the door when he heard Lindsey calling his name.

"Angel."

"Yes?" He turned back from the door.

"Stay with me till I fall asleep?" Lindsey pleaded. He hated the empty room when he woke up, and he hated the fact that he was alone and he hated himself for being so vulnerable, yet he liked the attention and tenderness from Angel.

"Sure."

"How's Lindsey doing?" Wesley glanced up from the book in his hands when he heard Cordelia's footsteps from the staircase.

"He seems fine, but Angel is being really weird."

"What do you mean by 'weird'?"

"Weird like, he's really nice to Lindsey, no more 'you are an evil lawyer, and I hate you'..."

"Lindsey has changed, and he's a new man now." Wesley didn't know why he was defending Lindsey, not even a day had gone by since he last advised Angel that trusting Lindsey could be a trap or he was bound to betray them.

But something clicked inside as they worked in silence, and then he spent the whole morning examining Lindsey's actions over the last two days, starting when he first viewed the video.

Wesley finally made the connection between Lindsey and Faith; both had gone too far down the road of darkness and still wanted to turn back. If he could forgive Faith, why not Lindsey?

All his remaining doubts disappeared when he read in the morning paper that Wolfram and Hart's main database was infected with a virus and the law firm would be closed for a week.

Angel was a whole different issue. Wesley was suspicious of Angel's reaction last night, but hadn't paid too much attention since there were more important issues at hand. But when he replayed the scenes from last night to help his research this morning, he couldn't help but wonder if there was more going on between them.

Angel was protective and defensive when the others had suggested Lindsey's possible betrayal, and obviously shaken when Lindsey had fallen down the stairs.

Wesley caught the last bit of Cordelia's words when he finally came out of his thoughts.

"...and he was holding his hand and running his hand through his hair... Kinda like what he and Buffy did... Oh god!"

"What now?" Wesley sounded puzzled, partly because he missed the first part of her speech and partly because of her confusing use of pronouns.

"What if...what if Angel is in love with Lindsey?"

"That's preposterous!" He exclaimed in shock, he had no idea where Cordelia got all these crazy ideas in her head. 'Must be the visions,' he decided quietly and grinned at the thought, he quickly hid the expression with a cough.

"No it's not! I mean, what did Angel do when Lindsey fell down the stairs last night?" she looked at her friend, daring him to answer. "He cried! Angel cried!"

"He was just worried."

"He didn't cry when we were in the hospital!"

"Because he didn't have a chance to! He had to stop Wolfram and Hart."

"Fine, but I'm telling you, I'm right!"

Wesley decided not to argue with her anymore, he was doomed to lose. He drew his attention back on the literature.

"And he was jealous last night! His eyes were positively green!" Ignoring Wesley's lack of attentiveness, she continued, "He was so ready to punch the Host in the nose. You should have heard Angel, he was growling!"

"Who was growling?" Gunn's voice startled them, but both quickly recovered.

"Angel, according to Cordelia," Wesley replied as he picked up the book and walked over to his office, deciding that he had better leave while he could. "I need to do some research, you two talk."

"What were you and Wes talking about?" Gunn sat down on the couch. He regretted asking when Cordelia's eyes gleamed and he knew it was the beginning of a very, very long speech.

"It all started…"

"Wait!" Gunn raised his hand, frantically searching his mind for something to distract Cordelia. "I'm hungry, let's get lunch."

"Okay," she looked at him strangely. "Let's talk about it on the way there."

Gunn inwardly groaned as his plan backfired in his face.

When Angel strolled into the lobby ten minutes later, it appeared to be deserted, but his supernatural senses told him otherwise. He followed his instincts and found Wesley hunched over his desk and buried in another heavy book.

"Did Giles call?" the vampire asked in a light voice and hummed as he walked in the office, not wanting to startle his new boss.

"No, and I'm getting quite worried. He told me nothing except for the fact that Glory is destroyed, and that he needed to talk to you, said he has something he has to tell you in person. And since you were out, I told him to call back later, but he didn't, and all I got was the answering machine when I called back!" The former watcher furrowed his eyebrow in confusion and concern.

The vampire had gone out that morning to rattle some demons for information on the previous night's events. Since most of them had gone into hiding, knowing that any natural events were usually the first and foremost sign of an apocalypse, it took longer than usual for Angel to find one who could be persuaded to reveal what they knew.

Angel smirked to himself as he looked down at his hand. If he had been human, the skin would have been broken and swollen from the beatings he had just rendered on the accessible demonic population. As it was, all he felt was a slight sting as he waded through the partially collapsed sewers to get back to the hotel.

When Angel returned, he had a few holes on his leather jacket due to some tiny cracks in the walls at an informant's hideout. The Hyperion hotel walked away from the catastrophe with only a few broken picture frames, dozens of dishes and some cracks in the walls on the east side of the hotel, which was already fixed thanks to Cordelia's enthusiasm and the cash Lindsey had brought. They had gone through Lindsey's suitcases for a set of clean clothes for him and further data on Wolfram and Hart and Glory. They were surprised to find jeans and T-shirts and rolls of bills instead of designer suits and more disks.

"That's odd, it isn't like Giles at all," the vampire tapped his chin thoughtfully as he lowered himself down in the chair in front of the wooded desk.

"Exactly! Maybe I should go down there and..."

"Let's wait a while, we have unfinished business here too, and I'm sure Buffy can handle whatever is causing Giles not to return the call." Oddly enough, it didn't pain Angel as much as he thought it would to say the slayer's name, he was more worried about Lindsey.

"Or we could listen to you," the vampire quickly added, the look from Wesley clearly told him that he wasn't in charge anymore and Angel wasn't going to jeopardize their once broken relationship. His friends were the most important thing beside Lindsey... Whoa! His thoughts came to a screeching stop at the comparison.

"It's all right, we need to figure out what Wolfram and Hart is up to and when will the ritual in Cordy's vision occur."

"Yeah..."

The two men remained silent for a moment, before Angel found the heavy air was unbearable, "Where's Cordy?"

"She went to lunch with Gunn, about fifteen minutes ago." Wesley stared at the clock for a moment, watching the minute hand move over a space. "I think they'd be great together, don't you?"

"Cordy and Gunn? I guess so, they are both kids though..."

"You should be very glad that Cordelia isn't here right now."

"She's the only person I know who can frighten me with just by a glare." The vampire shuddered at the reminder of Cordelia's wrath, he had experienced it when he made a comment about her new dress being too revealing and suggested a long, wool coat over her outfit.

"What was she arguing about earlier?"

"You didn't hear? She was being quite loud."

"All I heard was fragments. Was it about the vision she had?"

"No, but it does have something to do with you..." Wesley paused, "and Lindsey."

"What about me and him?" Suspense and surprise appeared on his pale feature, though it was gone in a second, it didn't escape the ex-watcher's scrutiny.

"That you are in love with him."

"What? That's impossible!"

"Then explain why you were sobbing when you thought Lindsey was dead?"

"Because he was our only source at destroying Wolfram and Hart..."

"We have their whole data base." Wesley waved his hand at the piles of disks on the table.

"He was searching for redemption, and I can relate to that..."

"You weren't crying when you thought Faith had betrayed you and ran away again."

"Because..." Angel was thankful when the telephone rang, interrupting the former rogue demon hunter's question and giving him more time to think of an answer to Wesley's inquiries. "I have to answer the phone."

"Fine." Wesley muttered, "it could be Giles."

"Angel Investigation... Hi, Giles!" Angel's words confirmed Wesley's guess. "No one got hurt, just a few cracked walls and lots of broken dishes."

The researcher leaned closer to hear the conversation.

"Why didn't you call back? And why did we keep on getting your machine? Is everything all right?"

Angel's face faltered when he heard the watcher reply 'no'. "But I'm sure Buffy..."

Angel had gone silent after his former lover's name was spoken; he only nodded once or twice as he clutched the receiver tightly in his fist. "Thank you, no, you were right, I needed to hear it in person... Good bye."

"What happened?" Wesley asked timidly, the vampire was biting his bottom lip in an attempt not to scream aloud, traces of blood were seeping from the wounds and forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Buffy is dead."

He whispered the three words in a trance-like state; he was lucky when he felt the oblivion of unconsciousness crashing over him like a wave, saving him from further questions from his friend or the unbearable heartache. The last thought on his mind was that Buffy was gone, he hadn't been able to save her, and now she was gone...forever.

Lindsey was woken by the loud noises coming from the lobby. Yawning, he got out of bed and headed downstairs after checking himself in the mirror. It was still a mystery to him why Angel had a full-length mirror in his room, being a vampire and all. His slow pace broke into a run when he heard Wesley's worried voices, calling Angel's name.

"What happened?" He managed to choke the words out of his suddenly dry throat.

Angel was sprawled out on the floor, his face paler than usual, and the ex-watcher was hovering above the unconscious immortal.

Wesley ignored Lindsey's question by asking his help, "Help me carry him upstairs, will you?" He glanced at Lindsey's recently dislocated right arm, and switched positions so it wouldn't hurt Lindsey to carry Angel.

"What happened? Tell me!"

Wesley didn't give the younger man another chance to hesitate or to inquire further; he simply hunched down and maneuvered Angel into a sitting position by pulling on the vampire's limp left arm. The ex-watcher raised an eyebrow when Lindsey didn't take the right arm as he wrapped the other arm around his shoulder.

Lindsey blew a loud sigh of irritation since his question wasn't answered, but he complied Wesley's order. The younger man carefully reached down and picked up the other arm then placed it on his good shoulder.

They moved Angel into his chamber with some difficulties due to the fact that they had to avoid sunlight and an unconscious two-hundred-odd-pounds vampire was not easy to carry.

After they got Angel settled in, Wesley mentioned for Lindsey to join him in another room down the hall. Concern and worry mirrored in each man's eyes as they stared at each other in a silence that seemed to drag on for hours before either one of them spoke.

"What happened?" It was Lindsey who had spoken first.

"I think you'd better sit."

"Just tell me!" Lindsey knew force and impatience wasn't the way to get information or answers out of another person, but he didn't care. All he wanted to know was what made Angel this way.

He glanced at the still form of the vampire in bed and ran over a list of possibilities of what could have caused this. He ruled out a demonic attack since there were no visible injuries. The fact that he didn't feel the usual magical undercurrents, combined with no long explanation form Wesley, led him to believe it wasn't a spell or a curse either. He was left with only one alternative: something had shocked the vampire so badly that it had rendered him unconscious.

As far as the ex-Wolfram and Hart employee knew, there were certain buttons within Angel that should never be pushed, however; he had never see the vampire passed out from a traumatic event.

"Well, this is a very complicated matter. You see, there was another slayer, besides Faith, her name was Buffy..."

"Angel was in love with her and after one moment of happiness, he lost his soul and became Angelus. She sent him to hell, he came back, left for L.A. Correct?"

"Yes, but how did you... Never mind, Wolfram and Hart." Like the other workers at Angel Investigations, Wesley spat out the name as if it was the worst thing imaginable.

"During my time there, I had read up on everything about Angel," he paused as he saw the unspoken question in Wesley's eyes, "You are probably wondering why I still hired Faith if I knew they had a history."

"I wouldn't call is a history, but yes, why?"

"I guess I thought I could use it to my advantage, if she had known Angel and was able to injure him before, she could very well do it again."

"How very thoughtful." Wesley didn't even bother to disguise the sarcasm in his voice.

"Can we move on to what happened to Angel? And how is Buffy involved?" Lindsey's eyes lit up for a moment as he made the connection, "Is Buffy hurt from the battle last night? Or is she..." he swallowed his other guess as the ex-watcher nodded gravely.

Wesley chewed on his lower lip for a moment, reviewing what Giles had told him after Angel fainted. The watcher was brief but to the point, Buffy had given her life to stop the world from ending. However, it was Giles who had killed Glory while she was in her human prison, which was the part he was about to inform Angel of before the vampire had gone silent. The older man sounded guilty because of the action; even though he felt it was necessary, he still took an innocent's life.

After a moment's careful consideration, the former rogue demon hunter selected out the main points that needed to be announced to Lindsey and saved the details for once Cordelia and Gunn arrived. It wasn't that he didn't trust Lindsey, it was just that there wasn't enough time to go into details while Angel was unconscious and it would be easier if he didn't have to repeat himself.

"Buffy Summers gave her life to save the world last night. And I'm pretty sure she was the one who had stopped the earthquake or rather," he looked down for a second, and when he lifted his head, the younger man saw tears glistening in Wesley's eyes, "She kept the world from ending, and saved our lives."

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry..." All words escaped him and all Lindsey could do was stare at Wesley standing in front of him with his mouth hanging open at a very impolite manner. "How... When..." Lindsey snapped his jaw into place as he realized he was speechless and he was gaping at Wesley.

"I had about the same reaction five minutes ago." The former watcher guided the stunned lawyer out the room and into Angel's.

"Keep an eye on him while I call Cordelia and Gunn." He shot Lindsey a meaningful glance before strolling out the room and down the stairs.

"I will." He understood the message in the brief eye contact Wesley had sent him, 'I trust you, don't betray it', and he wasn't going to.

Lindsey pulled a chair next to the bed and plopped himself down in it. He needed to think of what he should say to the vampire when he woke up.

Wesley set the receiver back down with a heavy sigh. Cordelia was not happy when he interrupted her meal, or her date, with Gunn, but the complaints stopped as soon as she heard the news. They told him they'd be back in less than ten minutes.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose gently, hoping to ease some of the tension building up inside him. It seemed as if his whole world had crumpled; Buffy was dead and on top of all this, Angel was unconscious. The fact that Giles had killed a human being wasn't too much a surprise, since the former watcher had heard of the infamous reputation of the older watcher as 'Ripper'.

Wesley prayed silently that nothing would happen to his two friends as they hurried back to the Hyperion. He didn't think neither he nor Angel could afford another loss in their life at this moment, or ever again. The ex-watcher closed his eyes and replayed all the events involving Buffy in his mind. When they first met, she didn't like him and he thought she was unorganized and rebellious. Wesley never told anyone, but he secretly admired the young girl's strength and strong will, and did agree with Giles silently that Buffy was one of the best slayers in centuries, or maybe she was the best.

He didn't realize that tears were rolling down his cheeks until Cordelia threw the door open with such force that it made a dent in the wall. Like him, Cordelia's face was tear-stained with the smeared circles of mascara around her eyes as she wiped away another fallen tear.

"Wesley..." she made some sort of a strangled noise then plunged herself into the sitting ex-watcher's arms.

"It's okay... Everything will be all right." Wesley was surprised when he saw unshed tears circling in Gunn's eyes.

"Cordy filled me in on the details... I didn't know Buffy, but what she did was definitely...definitely..." the vampire hunter trailed off with a loud sniffle. "How's Angel holding up?"

While patting the sobbing prophet on the back, Wesley didn't give an answer immediately. "He'll be all right, we will all be all right." He told his friends while glancing upwards, but would they really?


	9. Chapter 9

The first thing that came into Angel's view was Lindsey's hunched over figure on the empty side of the bed. The vampire studied Lindsey carefully, trying to determine why was the mortal by his side? Then it hit him, the phone call he received this afternoon and the horrible news it brought. Buffy was dead… He wasn't there to help her, he wasn't there to fight beside her and he wasn't there to…save her? Would she let him save her? He recalled the day that was erased from history, and remembered the worried yet determined gleam in her eyes as she caressed his forehead before heading off to kill the demon that caused the injury. It was a Mohra demon, if his memory served him correctly.

He couldn't help but smile as he remembered the slayer's amazement at finding cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream in his freezer. She adored the ice cream… The brief moment of happiness was snatched away as the fact that his love was gone. He'd never be able see her smile, hear her giggle, wipe away her tears, kiss her beautiful lips or just simply hold her in his arms again.

Angel jerked into a sitting position as the cruel reality sank its sharp teeth into him like a snake. He glanced at Lindsey for a moment, checking to see if his sudden action had woken the sleeping human. He didn't want any comfort or "I'm sorry" from anyone, he just wanted silence.

The vampire remained still for a second and closed his eyes, listening to the steady breathing of the younger man and also the three different sets of breathing coming from various parts of the hotel. He had no problem distinguishing the location of his crew. Cordelia was in the room at the end of the hallway with Gunn situated next door while Wesley was across from his own chamber.

The souled vampire reopened his eyes and saw the full-length mirror behind Lindsey, without reflection of himself on the smooth surface. It wasn't the first time he had looked and discovered nothing when he was facing a mirror, but none of those times had made as much impact as this one. He was immortal, a solid truth that would forever separate him and Buffy or anyone else he might love in the future.

Future? Love? He laughed bitterly at his choice of words. How could he ever love anyone when he knew he would have no future with the person? How could he return or give the affection with the knowledge his lover would age and die while he remained young? How could he ever love someone as much as he loved Buffy and after he had tasted the pain that manifested itself into his mouth - a sour, bitter taste like yesterday's black coffee.

Consequences…the word echoed in his mind. If anyone should deserve to die, it was him, not Buffy. He was the one who spent more than a century killing, raping, maiming and robbing, while she...she protected the world over and over again from creatures like him. He deserved to die, not her! He was the one who had destroyed so many souls for his own sick enjoyment while she desperately tried to save them. He was the cursed one, but now it seemed like he had rubbed off on her…by entering her life and possibly altering her fate. It should have been him, not her…

"It should have been me!" He sobbed out as he curled into a tight ball and let the tears over took him. His mind filled with thoughts and plans he had made with Buffy, he could see nothing else except for the image of Buffy fading into darkness. He didn't want to come to this point with Buffy. He knew it was bound to happen, he didn't know it would be this soon. He was supposed to shanshu, find her, and spend the rest of his mortal life with her. Buffy was his heart, his soul, the only bright thing in his dark, dark world; without her there was no Angel, no Angelus either. He simply just did not exist.

Lindsey managed to lift his heavy eyelids at the sound of quiet whimpering. He was wide-awake when he realized the noise was coming from the balled form on the bed.

It simply broke his heart to see the once mighty vampire weeping like a child, the powerful, sleek form shaking at inner pain that was gnawing away at him. His heart clenched as he watched the creature without a heartbeat or the need to breathe gasping for air in a weak effort to control the over-flowing tears.

He stared at Angel for a few moments and wondered if this was what Wesley was so worried about. They had all decided to stay at the Hyperion until Angel is stable. They set up shifts based on their strength; Cordelia gotten the eight to two shift during the day, Wesley's shift was from two to eight from the afternoon to night, followed by Gunn from eight to three night shift since he was the strongest and Lindsey's shift was last from three to eight.

They had warned Lindsey of the forms of action Angel might take and Cordelia insisted that he wear the huge wooden cross necklace for protection. He appreciated their concerns and felt warm inside by the way they treated him, like family.

But they would not be this cautious unless they believed something terrible was going to happen. Lindsey considered going to get them, but the thought quickly vanished when the vampire sniveled out a faint phrase that sounded like "It should been me…take me."

"Shh, it will all be okay…" Lindsey extended out his left hand to caress the distressed vampire shoulder. Before he could reach Angel, his wrist was clutched tightly by Angel's cool hand.

The vampire slowly removed himself from his position and turned to gaze at Lindsey whose hand he was still holding. Angel stared at the mortal for a few seconds before pulling Lindsey down onto his chest for a fiery kiss.

Warmth was the only thing Angel felt as he invaded Lindsey's defenseless mouth; it was different from when he kissed Darla. His sire had been cold, like him. Even the fire from their lust couldn't manage to heat up his frozen heart or melt the chamber that held his cursed soul. But maybe this time it would work; Lindsey was warm, alive and…delicious whereas Darla tasted like death and stale blood.

Before he could explore further, the souled vampire found himself being pushed away and the burning pain on his chest made him release his grip and loosen the movements of his mouth.

Angel watched as the younger man scrambled off of him and retreated to the window; he also saw the outline of the cross around his neck that he recognized as Cordelia's. Cordelia must had warned Lindsey about Angelus and it was unusual that Lindsey didn't rush for the door as the vampire expected if the prophet did told him all the horrible things his other half had done.

It was good to see someone other than his friends who was not running away from him in fear or staying with the intend of destroying him. He got out the bed and slowly made his way to Lindsey.

Lindsey couldn't believe what was happening. Just seconds before, he was trying to comfort the grief-stricken vampire then suddenly, he was on top of and making out with the said vampire.

What was happening? Was Angel acting out of grief? Did Angel mistake him for Buffy? Or did the vampire simply need him? Lindsey pressed his forehead against the soft velvet curtains covering the cool glass and closed his eyes, only to have them snap open again as Angel roughly turned him around. The vampire's eyes were filled emotions Lindsey couldn't place.

"Angel?"

"I want to be warm," Angel said in a broken whisper.

"What?"

"I don't want it to hurt anymore."

"I don't understand…"

"Help me… I want to forget… I don't want it to hurt anymore…"

It finally dawned on Lindsey what the vampire meant; he was referring to the night he spent with Darla in hope to forget his conversation with Holland.

"No…" Lindsey replied, but his breathy tone betrayed him. That simple kiss was able to arouse him faster than any other woman could have, including Darla. But he couldn't and he wouldn't if the consequence of him indulging into his desire was the death of many innocent people; however, his determination was diminishing when Angel spoke again.

"Please… I don't want to cold… Help me…"

"No… Listen to me, this isn't…"

Lindsey was cut off when the vampire once again possessed his lips. Angel's kiss was tender, compassionate mixed with a bit of desperation. When it ended, Lindsey was left breathless as the vampire left a trail of butterfly kisses along the mortal's racing pulse and flushed skin.

"No, Angel… Stop!" Lindsey grabbed a hold of the souled vampire by his shoulders and stared into the deep pools of russet browns. He could see tears glistening on the older man's cheeks in the stolen moonlight through the thin crack where the curtains meet. Lindsey met Angel's searching gaze was he felt his will weaken.

Knowing what he was about to do was wrong and could possibly cause horrible consequences, but he couldn't refuse the pleading tone and the begging eyes of the vampire. He understood that what he decided to do was pathetic, but wasn't that how love effected everyone? Lindsey smiled awkwardly as he took off the cross off his neck and used his good arm to pull the vampire down to plant a kiss on top of Angel's forehead.

"I'll help you get warm."

Angel's response was a growl reaching his arms around the human to lift Lindsey up and carried him to the bed. They fell onto the downy bed while prying off each other's cloth. The last of whatever doubts Lindsey might have had disappeared when the vampire nibbled and sucked on the younger man's ear while sinking down between the cradle of Lindsey's muscular thighs…

Lindsey moved his injured arm out of the way before the vampire came crushing down on top of him. With a large amount of effort, the younger man managed to shift them both so now they were lying on their side, facing one another.

"I love you," Lindsey whispered as he burrowed into the marble chest and pressed his face against the unbeating heart.

The short moment of tranquility was shattered when Lindsey heard the name that escaped Angel's lips. Buffy.

Even knowing Angel would see him as nothing more than a drug to dull the splitting pain of the lost of the slayer, it still hurt like hell. Lindsey turned and buried his face in one of the pillows as he felt the hot trail of tears streaming down his cheeks.

The following month passed in a frenzy; Angel had not leave his room once. It didn't matter how much persuasion from Cordelia, how many logical reasoning from Wesley or how many times Gunn picked the vampire up and tried to shake some senses into Angel, Angel remained in his room. The persistence of a two hundred years old vampire was amazing.

Wesley carried on his position as the owner of Angel Investigation well and was slowly becoming more confident in himself and his decisions. However, he still had his doubts when dealing with the new connection between Angel and Lindsey.

Lindsey had spent the last thirty days quite differently than the others. During the day, he helped Wesley research about demons from Cordelia's visions, which was getting less painful after Wesley performed a little pain-relieving spell and a cup of herb tea every day. Lindsey used his spare time to look up information on how to renew the lease on the hotel without any loopholes that could be used by Wolfram and Hart, who had not taken any action toward their runaway employee. The suspicion of something greater and evil was coming surrounded the office.

Once night fell, Lindsey would allow himself to plunge headfirst into the endless pool of passion of the heartbroken vampire. Lindsey knew he was not making the situation any better, but what else was he to do? Sit back and observe like Wesley? Urge the vampire to hunt like Gunn? Or even offer Angel different flavors of blood like Cordelia? He couldn't do any of the above and he couldn't deny Angel's one and only request – to be warm.

After the passion they shared, Angel usually entered into a deep slumber while murmuring the slayer's name like a prayer and Lindsey would either curl up in Angel's arms and press his cheek against the marble chest while weeping silently or watch the vampire sleep until the slumber overtook him as well.

He knew it was sick, unacceptable and wrong, at least that was the message he got from the rest when Cordelia walked in the morning after to start her shift then ran out the room screaming her head off. Wesley and Gunn cornered him later that day, warning him of the consequences might arise after they chained Angel to the bed.

Surprisingly enough, the Wesley and Gunn was more concerned about Lindsey's safety than Angel's, even though they denied immediately when Cordelia pointed it out. In the end, when Angel woke up and had his soul intact, they accepted the idea of Lindsey and Angel together grudgingly with Cordelia casting each men a "told you so" look.

Lindsey never thought he would be able to experience love in his life; everyone he had cared about left him and everyone who had cared for him either betrayed him or left him as well. Yet he did, he loved the vampire with everything inside of him and he was ready to give whatever in his possession at Angel's request. Even though he knew he shouldn't ask for more than just to be by the souled vampire's side, even though he knew he shouldn't hope for the day the vampire would return the affection, even though he knew all of the dreaming would only lead to eventual pain and heartache. He couldn't stop himself from doing it.

Every night when Angel and him became one, every time when Lindsey traced the vampire's softened feature when Angel drifted to sleep and every moment he stayed within those cool arms; Lindsey could not help but to wonder if Angel would woke up the next morning and held him closer than withdraw suddenly or if the vampire would whisper his name before falling asleep. He lost count of the number of times he thought about stopping this unhealthy pattern between them, but logic failed him the moment he felt Angel's eyes on him.

Lindsey knew that the vampire saw him as nothing more than a faceless creature that helped him to momentarily forget the pain. Despite the fact that Lindsey knew all the reasons as to why he shouldn't continue, Lindsey didn't bother to put a stop to it, he refused to. Because even if he was a replacement, Angel cared about him in some ways, like the way Angel would roll over to avoid crushing him afterward or the gentle kiss placed on his forehead while Angel whispered the slayer's name. Those little acts of tenderness were what caused Lindsey to allow himself to sink deeper and deeper into a hopeless future called Angel.

"Anything?" The Wesley looked up from his desk and Cordelia entered with a bunch of mails in one hand and a coffee in the other.

"Let's see, bills, bills, wait…" she took a quick sip of her coffee, "and even more bills!"

"I thought the check from Ms. Rogers was coming in today." Wesley asked as he closed the volume he was reading and took and envelopes from Cordelia's hands.

"Apparently not," she sat down in her chair with a huff. "So…" the prophet stared at Wesley expectantly, waiting for him to start a conversation.

"So?"

"Talk to me! I'm bored… No clients, no filing to be done, and no visions. I'm bored!"

The former rogue demon hunter sighed heavily before speaking, "What do you want to tak about?"

"Well, how about…you know." She pointed upstairs.

"The ceiling? We just fixed it few weeks ago," Wesley replied, knowing what Cordelia meant, but wasn't in the mood to talk about it.

"No, you idiot! I'm talking about…" she lowered her voice to a bare whisper, "Lindsey and Angel."

After the initial shock wore off, Cordelia was the first to treat the two men normally and accepted their relationship, even though she wasn't sure what kind of relation they have. Her exact quote after she stopped blabbing and screaming was "They look so cute together." Which earned her a glare and a raised eyebrow from Gunn and Wesley.

"I don't know, and I don't want to know." Wesley replied with a rare hint of irritation in his voice.

"Fine! I'll find out for myself." Obviously annoyed with the Wesley, Cordelia stood up and began to climb up the stairs.

"Cordy! Stop!"

"Why should I?" She said, but stopped nonetheless.

"Because they are not your personal entertainment. They are not here for your curiosity when you are bored."

"But…"

"No but! This is final."

"I don't think this is. I admit I am curious, but I do know when is the time to back off, maybe not always, but I do. And I'm worried about Angel, the last time we left him alone it resulted in him almost turning back to Angelus."

"Cordy," Wesley looked her straight into the eyes and spoke slowly, "we are all worried, but this time, Angel is not alone, no matter how much he seems like he is right now. He is the type of person who would learn from a mistake and he knows the consequences, even though it's hard to see at this moment. We need to trust him."

"I do trust him! It's that shaky, stupid curse I don't trust! What's the point of taking away Angel's soul if it was meant to punish him?" Unconsciously, she paced back toward the desks. "Taking away his soul would only bring Angelus, who they tried to torture in the first place, but then they are torturing Angel if they give Angelus a soul then it wouldn't really be Angelus getting tortured… Where was I?"

"I lost you a long time ago, but I understand what you are saying and since we have a lot of free time on our hands, why don't we research for a way to anchor Angel's soul?" Wesley suggested and Cordelia could almost see the wheels turning in Wesley's head.

"Sure, I have nothing better to do," she added as she sat down at her computer.

Wesley returned to his book.

"Lindsey?"

"Huh?" Lindsey opened his heavy eyelids a thousandth of an inch and then his eyes became wide open when he realized that Angel was speaking to him instead of the usual muttering of Buffy. "Angel!"

"Thanks."

Not once in Lindsey's memories that a single word could make him speechless, but Angel somehow succeeded. "Wha? Huh? What?"

But silence was the only response, the utter quietness made Lindsey question if he had really heard the word from Angel's mouth. It wasn't gratitude he wanted; he wanted love from Angel!

"How are you feeling?" Lindsey started a new topic; there was no need to start hoping for the day that would never come, the day when Angel says he loves him.

"Fine," the souled vampire paused for a few seconds before continuing, "I'm still having trouble not to blame myself for Buffy's death…" he raised his hand to silence any objections from the younger man, "I know, it's not my fault."

"Good, at least we are clear on that." Lindsey's smile fell when Angel didn't response to his attempt of lifting up the mood. "And?" He prodded, wanting to hear the vampire's reason for his behavior this past month, if guilt wasn't it, like him and the rest had assumed.

"I just can't help but thinking the 'if only' and all the different possibilities…" Angel's gaze trailed from the crown of Lindsey's head to the mirror standing by the closet. "Do you know why I have that mirror in here?"

"No, I've been meaning to ask you that though. Why?"

"I brought it in the day Wesley told me that one day I'll become a man, a normal, breathing man."

"Angel…" The reason dawned upon Lindsey, and he placed his hand in a comforting gesture on undead's arm.

"Shh, let me finish. Everyday when I woke up, I would look into the mirror, and hope to see a reflection there. Every single day I wish I would see something in there besides the bed and the floating blanket." Angel pointed to the oddly shaped comforter in the mirror.

"But she left before that day could arrive." Lindsey voiced the unspoken thought aloud, the sentence echoed in the room.

"Yeah, but as time goes by, I stopped picturing a life with her, a life involving a family and a house with Buffy. I became afraid to see if I would be in it…"

"Why?" Lindsey was puzzled, becoming human was Angel's only wish, or at least he thought it was.

"What would happen if that did happen? I move back to Sunnydale and everyone welcome me with open arms? Life doesn't work that way and she had already moved on."

"And if you become human, there would be no need for Cordelia or Wesley or Gunn or, hell, the whole Angel Investigations. Then you would truly be alone, no family, no friends and no lover."

Angel stared at Lindsey, shocked by how easily Lindsey was able to rephrase what he was feeling and understanding his every thought. "Exactly, how did you know?"

"Know?"

"What I was thinking." As soon as the words left the vampire's mouth, he regretted them. He was aware of the emotion Lindsey held toward him, and he knew how Lindsey would weep on some of the nights afterward. Angel wasn't dense, he just didn't want to deal with it at the moment, or ever. One mistake was bad but repeating the same mistake over and over for a month was worse.

"Because I felt the same way once, before I met your crew."

Unconsciously, Angel tightened his arms around Lindsey's shoulders. "I know, they are like…"

"Family." Two men said the last word in union and exchanged a genuine smile.

"Cordy will be thrilled to have you around again, she's been wanting someone to add to the 'broodiness' of the office." Lindsey joked as he snuggled in closer.

"Good, now sleep. We have a full day ahead tomorrow."

"Okay," the mortal remained still for a moment as he rest his cheek on the vampire's cool chest. "Angel?"

Angel wasn't asleep, but he kept his eyes closed and his body immobile. He feared what Lindsey was about to ask, the question he could not answer because he didn't know the answer either. Some parts of him prayed, as ironic as that sounded, that the younger man wouldn't voice the question.

"What am I to you?"

'Too late,' Angel thought as he faked a mumble and pulled Lindsey in closer. Being in such intimate position, Angel didn't miss the heavy sigh from Lindsey before the human relaxed into his embrace and let sleep overtake him again.

Angel stared at the ceiling for a while before whispering into the sound asleep lawyer's neck, "What are you to me?"

Too focused on the resting attorney, Angel didn't notice the shadow outside of the window and the hissed words filled with betrayal and anger, "You'll find out soon enough, my darling boy."


End file.
